At breaking point and don't know what to do

[Bluemoon22]

I've posted before about my abusive ex. My son (4) for the past 2 sundays has refused to see his dad (only day he has access) clinging to me, screaming, crying hysterical saying he doesn't want to see him. They have no bond at all and son gas witnessed the abuse.

if my ex was violent and abusive and my son was terrified of spending time with him, and courts had deemed it fine for him to have weekly unsupervised access, tbh, i think id move.

Sorry didn't mean to post. Ex has only ever paid child maintenance once and said i'm not getting another penny. So this month i put a claim in with cms for payment and he has now apparently lost his job. His family are apparently coming for me and threatening court for 50/50 and wont stop until they get it. I'm just so tired and drained by it all, he's playing the victim to everyone and i don't know how much longer i can keep going

Ive just done a quick back search. Go back to social services. Any threats go back to the police. When is he in court for the abuse?

@ConnieTucker the case is with a specialist department at the minute who will decide if there is enough evidence for a court case. Social services have closed the case deeming him safe to have access with his son. I just don't know what to do anymore for the best. I finally have some good days and think things are on the up then bam he knocks me back down again

In your last post you say you don't want to go to SS to stop contact, even though ex was abusive and is teaching DC how to be abusive towards you, because you might be taken to court but I'm not sure why this would be a bad thing? Can you explain why you wouldn't want a court deciding future access to DC, specially if you can prove a pattern of abuse and behaviour that's he subjecting your son to be teaching him to come home and be abusive to you. Essentially, ex is still abusing you via DC and this will count as abuse against both of you.
At the very least, in the short term, talk to SS about all your concerns (start keeping a diary of incidents if you haven't already) and ask if you can go back to supervised visits. then i get some proper legal advice about what other steps can be taken to minimise access/contact

@Dontbelieveawordofit so SS told me originally if i stopped contact then he would have to go down the legal route for access and could get 50/50 which is what he wants. I thought it would be better not to stop it so i could keep contact to a minimum. SS have closed the case now so not sure if i can ring them back. I have started a diary on his behaviour and all the times he has said he doesn't want to see his dad. I'm scared to go down the court route incase he does get 50/50 and his family have the means to pay for expensive solicitors where as i have nothing

I really do understand your fear and frustration. Its a dreadful situation to be in.
But if the pattern of abuse is continuing and your DC is making himself ill for having to go, it's time to go back to SS and tell them your concerns.
If ex really wanted 50/50 and he has family money, he would have taken this to court himself by now, don't you think? He's just threatening to take him as another form of emotional abuse. He's being investigated for DV and might be getting took to court and he has had SS involved - do you really think his chances are good?
Most family law solicitors offer initial appointment free so it might put your mind at rest to go and explain your circumstances to a solicitor and they can talk you through all your options
I really do wish you best of luck OP. Come back abs vent anytime, there were will always be someone to listen and offer support

Rights of Women offer free legal advice to women in your position OP, sorry I can't link (haven't been able to post links since the MN 'upgrade' for some reason) but google them, they can help

@Dontbelieveawordofit We would have to do mediation first which he said he had started the process for but i haven't heard anything yet. Not really sure how long it would take to start that and then how long it would take to court. I have heard horror stories about the family courts not taking DV seriously and allowing abusers to have 50/50 etc with their kids. I am absolutely terrified of him taking my son and continuing the abuse to him or another partner in the future infront of my son. I am going to contact a solicitor today and see if they can help me

@KateBalesCardi Thank you i will have a look