I can't be the only one going through this!!
So last year I had a gut feeling and went through my partner's phone. I found chats with girls on instagram where he was being innapropriate, asking them to meet, flirting with them etc. Our daughter was 1 and a half and I was 8 months pregnant with our second child :(. I was devastated. So broken. I can't even begin to explain how hurt and disappointed I was, how could he do this to me?! I convinced him to try therapy, so we only went to one session and he didn't wanna go again after that so we gave it up... we stayed together although things were different. I obviously didn't trust him and things between us were awkward. I went through his phone again when my son turned 3 months only to find new conversations with other girls. At this point I just couldn't do it anymore so I told him I didn't want to be with him if he was just gonna continue doing this. I moved back to my mums (it was more convenient for me at the time) and he stayed home which was literally a 2 min walk away. He started going out a lot, buying expensive clothes acting very different - he was a different person! He was still a good dad, I won't take that away from him, but he was different with me. I could tell there were no feelings. We were coparenting and getting along.. but we started having sex again.. a LOT of sex. He would sometimes make comments as if he was 'jealous' or he would try and find out if I was talking to another man. He then admitted that he did miss us and coming home to his family, but he was adamant that we wouldn't work out as his feelings had changed- he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. I decided to give up. We moved out of that flat as I needed a bigger space and he was supposed to help me and stay in my new place for a bit before looking for his new place.. well he's still here and has no plans of leaving!! We moved in February and since then we have been having amazing sex, we don't argue, we don't control each other, we laugh together a lot and spend time together as a family but it still doesn't feel 100% right. He apologised to me and said he loved me and we are his priority. He stopped going out, he started making plans for the future including us, but we haven't had an actual conversation about US as a couple, about our relationship etc. there have been loads of comments to suggest he sees us as a couple, he is planning a big holiday for us to go on next year but again, we aren't really back together (not in my eyes anyway). I'm too scared to bring up the conversation because I don't want to push him away and I know it would be a very awkward conversation, but I know it's necessary. I just don't feel ready! Even though it's eating me up inside and I would like to be certain that we are together as a family again and that he is genuinely trying again... which to me it seems that he is, he even said himself that we are much better now and we've come a long way, but I always seem to change the subject trying to avoid a deeper conversation that might result in my feelings being hurt again. I feel like my babies are still too young and I would feel so guilty if I didn't let him stay with us or if I allowed for us to separate again.. I need some advice :(