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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to trust and be open to new people after toxic relationship

1 reply

curiouscat123 · 16/11/2022 21:16

I've been single now for 18 months after being in toxic relationship for 6 years.

The break up was pretty easy to be honest and I've felt very happy to be out of it and enjoying single life. I haven't really dated anyone since my ex.

However, I have very recently been getting to know someone who appears to be the total opposite of my ex – kind, emotionally intelligent, thoughtful, and a really positive person to be around.

But with this has come emotions/feelings of being scared to become close to someone following such a toxic relationship. I am trying to be as rational as possible knowing that they are not the same person, but I have this overwhelming feeling that I would rather cut it off before I start to develop deep feelings, as I really really don't want to have to ever revisit some of the horrible places I was emotionally in my past relationship.

It's upsetting me that I feel this way, but I don't know how to control this feeling/desire to sabotage any emotional connections I have with people.

Has anyone else experienced this and has any advice?

OP posts:
carlajay · 16/11/2022 21:30

I spent 13 years in a toxic, narcissistic relationship, it was hell on earth- very quickly after it ended I met someone, I had no intention of it becoming anything as I wasn't in the right frame of mind, but as he wasn't my type I thought it would be harmless enough to meet up as friends.
He was everything my ex wasn't, you couldn't get more opposite and I quickly fell for him, it was terrifying- I was so insecure and would constantly test his love and I'm ashamed to say at times I wasn't very nice, but he knew my past and was patient, understanding and encouraging and eventually I gave into my feelings and followed my heart- I figured I'd already been to hell and nothing that could happen in this relationship could be any worse than that.
We have just celebrated 13 years together, 11 married and it really was the best decision I ever made, and my life is unrecognisable.
We should always trust our instincts but we should also be aware of what our hearts are saying.
Good luck xxx

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