Financial control or am I being unreasonable?

[Lostmuma]

Hi, I am looking for some advice regarding financial control. I am living with my partner who is an alcoholic, we have two children. I earn £650 a month as I work part time due to childcare costs. My partner earns £39k a year. He has got us into arrears with rent and council tax before, so he sends me his share of bill money every week + £50 towards food. As a family of 4, I spend more than £50 a week on food so I also contribute.
Every week when my partner gets paid I have to practically beg him to send the money to me. I have asked him to set up a standing order to my account and he will not do that. Every Friday I end up ringing him 4/5 times to remind him to send the money. He is not transparent with what he earns and often works for cash in hand, hiding that money from me also.
I have asked him to send a little bit extra every week to help towards petrol, taking the children out, top up shops etc but he says that this is my duty as he pays the majority of the bills.
I also contribute to household bills, and am left with very little to myself every month.
he believes that not having money for myself is a sacrifice I made when I chose to go part time.
He thinks it is fair that if the children need anything I should speak to him and he will purchase the things himself, as he does not want the money to go into my account incase I end up with extra money.
I wouldn’t have a problem with this if he didn’t spend ridiculous amounts on alcohol and often drugs, and if every time I asked for money it didn’t cause a huge argument and a series of questions about what the money is for, where my money is or why he has to pay for things.
I’ve explained that this is degrading and assured him that the money would never be spent on myself, but he says I’m being unreasonable by not accepting his way of things.
As it’s coming up to Christmas, I have almost finished buying presents for the children and I have bought all of these out of my own money. I haven’t asked him for anything towards these, nor has he offered.

I have asked him to move out several times, but he will not go and as he is on the tenancy agreement I cannot just kick him out.
I’m sick of arguing about money all the time. I know he works full time and he earns that money himself, but with around £800 disposable income for himself every month, I find it really frustrating that I am never able to afford anything for myself or afford to take my kids out without him there.

Am I being unreasonable?

No.

It will do your children and you no favours to continue to have this man in your lives.

I would seek legal advice asap to remove your partner from the joint tenancy agreement.

His addictions are at the root of all this. You need to end this relationship because your children should not have to live with an addict.

YABU to stay with him. He is an alcoholic, he will only get worse, and your financial situation will get worse and worse.
Go to Al-Anon.

I have asked him to move out several times, but he will not go and as he is on the tenancy agreement I cannot just kick him out.

This is the important issue. Perhaps start a new thread with just this point, to get some practical advice.
It may be possible for you to claim universal credit as a single person if you end the relationship but he refuses to leave the house.

Don‘t know if you want to call it financial control, but I honestly just think he’s a horrible wanker that thinks his own children should go without while he has money for himself to spend on drugs and alcohol, just let that sink in. What a loser and not a role
model you want for your kids.
I think you would be better off without this absolute drain on your life. Consider separating.

Doesn't matter what it's called, I doubt you'd get a prosecution but you should definitely tell him to fuck off and get advice from CAB and go through child support to get maintenance payments.

survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/understanding-economic-abuse/am-i-experiencing-economic-abuse/

It certainly sounds like economic abuse to me. This website has good advice.

@Beancounter1 thank you. I’ve spoken with Al-Anon who directed me to Womens Aid. They said in order to get him off the tenancy agreement, I would need to involve the social services and ask them to speak to the housing officer. A part of me hopes that he will just up and leave to save me from going down that route, as I honestly feel like I don’t have the emotional strength at the moment. I know I am being unreasonable by staying with him - I guess I’m just scared.
He tells me over and over again that I’ve chosen this life and no one else will agree with me, so I worry that I won’t be taken seriously

@Luna42 this is really helpful. Thank you so much 🙏🏼