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Original poster

I got bad news, instead of supporting me he expected me to buy his kids McDonald's..

22 replies

Ilikemacaroons · 16/11/2022 10:53

Last week I got some bad news about a health issue and my mental health took a huge nosedive. Instead of being present to provide emotional support and be there for me when I needed him, DP decided that he would go and get his older kids and take them to McDonald's which he could have done on any other / every other day. It wasn't pre planned.

He left our DC with me btw so it wasn't about giving me space.

To add insult to injury, he then wanted me to pay for it.

If it were the other way round I couldn't fathom it.

Would you be able to get past this? Do you think I'm being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 16/11/2022 10:57

How can you pay for it if you weren't there with him.does he usually expect you to pay everything. No you're not being ridiculous.

ImAvingOops · 16/11/2022 10:58

Why would he expect you to pay for his dc food? Is it because you were inconveniencing him by being ill?
Did he think that I'm taking his kids out of the equation, you would feel okay having just your own in the house?
On the face of it Yanbu - he doesn't sound supportive but there's not much detail here to give a proper opinion

Original poster
Ilikemacaroons · 16/11/2022 11:04

He was waiting on a replacement bank card and doesn't have Google pay or any alternative set up so he wanted to take my card to buy the food. It's definitely not about the money for me but how it made me feel.

I have since told him how shitty it made me feel and he apologised and said he just didn't realise how it came across.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 16/11/2022 11:50

He knew. He just didn't care.

PeekAtYou · 16/11/2022 11:53

Really strange.
Not the point of your thread but
Did he take your kids to McD because you were too upset to cook? Why wouldn't he get your kids some food?
Or did he take them so that there was less noise at your house. Why didn't your kids get a McD's?

I am very sorry for your bad news but your h is behaving weirdly and yes, it's weird that you paid

ImAvingOops · 16/11/2022 11:54

In all honesty I don't think it's terrible to ask for your card in these circumstances. He should have offered to take all the kids. But I think you need to have a proper clear consideration of whether this is part of a larger pattern of behaviour when you need his support and go from there.

J0CASTA · 16/11/2022 12:02

He wanted to go out so he didn’t have to waste his time and energy being kind or supportive to you.

He thought that going out to the pub would be a poor excuse that you would see through straight away. Whereas taking his older kids to MacDonald’s is ( in his eyes ) a good reason that makes him a “ good dad”.

However he didn’t want to waste his own money on the food so he got you to pay for it.

He didn’t bring home any for you or your child because it wasn’t about the food, it was about avoiding having to do any emotional labour.

It’s not complicated at all. You just can’t see it @Ilikemacaroons because you want to believe he’s a good partner and you are just being unreasonable and expecting too much from him. I bet he’s told you that too.

Naunet · 16/11/2022 13:35

Doesn’t sound like much of a partner

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/11/2022 13:40

I’d wonder what was the point of him. He sounds pathetic.

I’m so sorry about your news 💐

I hope you’ve got other people to lean on, he’s made it clear he’s not going to support you.

Needmorelego · 16/11/2022 13:42

How old are the children? Maybe he wanted to take them somewhere neutral so he could explain about your illness but didn't want to do with your children there (if they are much younger).
This is total random guess work btw.

Pinkbonbon · 16/11/2022 14:33

My first thought was thar maybe he didn't want you to have to worry about cooking or doing dishes.

However, I would consider this - does he display a pattern of unsupportive behaviour?

And also - Does he do things like cancelling outings you were looking forwards to, at the last minute. Or ruining fun events like your birthdays or christmas by for example, being in a mood or starting an argument with one if the kids?
(I ask this as it can be a big indicator of a narcissist as opposed to just your run of the mill thoughtless twat).

user1471457751 · 16/11/2022 16:28

Was he due to pick up his kids anyway and so he just didn't cancel on them? If not, then yes he really letting down.

Clymene · 16/11/2022 16:29

J0CASTA · 16/11/2022 12:02

He wanted to go out so he didn’t have to waste his time and energy being kind or supportive to you.

He thought that going out to the pub would be a poor excuse that you would see through straight away. Whereas taking his older kids to MacDonald’s is ( in his eyes ) a good reason that makes him a “ good dad”.

However he didn’t want to waste his own money on the food so he got you to pay for it.

He didn’t bring home any for you or your child because it wasn’t about the food, it was about avoiding having to do any emotional labour.

It’s not complicated at all. You just can’t see it @Ilikemacaroons because you want to believe he’s a good partner and you are just being unreasonable and expecting too much from him. I bet he’s told you that too.

This

Treacletoots · 16/11/2022 16:33

People don't ever not realise their behaviour is shit. They just don't care.

You can't change other people but you can change your response to it by no longer tolerating it, and kicking him out.

brighterthanthemoon · 16/11/2022 16:41

user1471457751 · 16/11/2022 16:28

Was he due to pick up his kids anyway and so he just didn't cancel on them? If not, then yes he really letting down.

This

Caroparo52 · 03/07/2023 22:21

agree with " run of the mill thoughtless twat"
Sorry for your bad news op.

He doesn't have the emotional intelligence to cope when its about your needs.

billyt · 04/07/2023 08:45

user1471457751 · 16/11/2022 16:28

Was he due to pick up his kids anyway and so he just didn't cancel on them? If not, then yes he really letting down.

OP said that picking up his kids wasn't pre-arranged.

they were used as a getaway.

If he wanted to give you space ehe'd have taken all the kids out, not just his.

He will be no good in a crisis, get rid.

DustyLee123 · 04/07/2023 08:47

He bailed on you, and expected you to pay for his trip out. He was avoiding supporting you.
Get rid.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 04/07/2023 08:47

I find it really weird he left out your kids and didn't get them a McDonalds.
Favouritism?

Naunet · 04/07/2023 08:54

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

Lampzade · 04/07/2023 08:57

J0CASTA · 16/11/2022 12:02

He wanted to go out so he didn’t have to waste his time and energy being kind or supportive to you.

He thought that going out to the pub would be a poor excuse that you would see through straight away. Whereas taking his older kids to MacDonald’s is ( in his eyes ) a good reason that makes him a “ good dad”.

However he didn’t want to waste his own money on the food so he got you to pay for it.

He didn’t bring home any for you or your child because it wasn’t about the food, it was about avoiding having to do any emotional labour.

It’s not complicated at all. You just can’t see it @Ilikemacaroons because you want to believe he’s a good partner and you are just being unreasonable and expecting too much from him. I bet he’s told you that too.

All of this

Lampzade · 04/07/2023 08:58

Naunet · 04/07/2023 08:54

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

Just realised

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