Typically I only ever think of things I should have said to him afterwards. For example, this morning he came to pick up the dc to take them to school as I am recovering from minor surgery and can't drive atm. I'd had a difficult morning with my eldest (who is ASD) and I was running about 5 mins late getting both their packed lunches sorted. He comes in and immediately starts complaining about how 'he can't be late' 'his job is important' blah blah, when in reality his work are incredibly understanding and know he's got the extra commitment of taking the girls to school this week.
Him putting pressure on me to make the lunches faster was stressing me and the dc out. My youngest even said to me "don't listen to him mummy, don't listen to him". Which breaks my heart because even she can see how much of a twat he is and she's only 6. He stresses me out so much with his shitty comments and all I managed to say was "going on at me isn't going to make things any faster is it?"
What I think I should have said was "so the girls' lunches are not important then? I should just send them without food?"
He upset dd2 the other night as well because he got in a bad mood because she wanted me to help her with bedtime and not him (he comes over to 'help' with bedtime but often doesn't actually help at all). He spent the whole bedtime in a bad mood and just sat on his arse shouting threats at Dd2 because she was being slow cleaning her teeth, picking bedtime books etc.
I don't know why I bother letting him come round tbh, I often think it'd be better if he wasn't there. Which is partly why I ended it in the first place. He is so self centred and inconsiderate that he can't see how his comments affect everyone. All that matters is him and his feelings. I want to be able to shut him down quickly and be able to stand my ground because I don't want my girls growing up seeing a man talk shit to me and walk all over me.