Is husband cheating?

[HarrietS81]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and married for 5 - it's not been easy, and we've had some hard times. I've suspected cheating in the past, but he's always denied this and come up with a number of excuses and I usually get blamed for being 'needy', 'hyper sensitive', or told it's all in my head. I don't have many friends and my family aren't the best.

He's been acting strange again recently, and I've suspected he's talking to someone - you know when you get that gut feeling? He had a message come up on his phone yesterday reading: "Big thanks (husband's name)! Love you!! Always will!!!" the number isn't in his saved contacts and it's since been deleted. There were no kisses - he's previously said that if I ever hear him calling someone "Sweets" on the phone then it's just an in-joke with a male work colleague - is this rubbish?

We have three young children (ages 7, 6, and 2), and I'm a stay-at-home Mum but studying for my degree so I can get a decent job when the kids are a bit older. No idea what to think or what to say to my husband.

Sorry for the essay!!

Been acting strange how?
That message in itself is not conclusive. It's an over-enthusiastic response, yes, but he may have done her a favour, and some people do respond like that, rather than just say thanks.

As a bloke, I would never call a male colleague sweets even if 'joking', I wouldn't use it for a female either. He's setting you up to fail so he can talk to whoever, call them 'sweets' and you're supposed to think it's a joke.

The only joke is him.

If he wasn't cheating then he wouldn't even think to tell you about that 'in joke' imo. That just sounds like bs he has set up so that he can keep calling the ow that.

Next time he is on with "sweets' I'd just shout 'Hello George's work colleague, it's his wife here! Hope he is behaving himself!' and watch him shit himself.

I'd say trust your gut with this one op. It just sounds dodgy.

Also, if my wife was insecure I wouldn't start calling her paranoid and make out she was oversensitive, I would instead, give her a big hug, show her my phone and let her see all the comings and goings and ask her what more she needed to feel secure with me (provided this was a rare occasion). I'd be sure to put the issue to rest ASAP. Not let her go on being insecure.

It's hardly concrete proof, but certainly enough to ring alarm bells, particularly if you're already feeling vulnerable. Sadly I can only think that more careful snooping will put your mind at ease. Good luck X

Sweets? No. He's not being honest.

More digging is needed.

I think you need to have more proof.

You need to have more proof.

@HarrietS81

Sorry you can't come here expect people to say yes to you when really you don't know what you DH is fully doing.

If people tell you he cheating and you have no proof are you going to kick him out and you could be wrong.

No one knows your situation other than you.

Do more investigating and once you know for sure then come back for advice.

Did you ask who the text was from?

Ask him straight out and see what his reaction is

i get the funny feeling hes up to something (trust your gut) sweets? thatd only be used like in terms of sweetie or hun i dont know..maybe
think about what youre going to do actually, you have small children.. dont put up with this if he is but get the support you need if you dont want to be around this guy who is messing with your head

My DH called me sweets all the time when we were first together and still a bit now

Whenever I see a spouse getting all aggro about their partner being suspicious, and saying they're paranoid, it sets off alarm bells.

All the times I had a boyfriend go on the offensive like that it was because there was something either going on or about to.

Whenever I hear the song "suspicious minds" I shudder because serial adulterers become so slick at lying and gaslighting their partner.

I think you just know., there's a book that's about affairs and it talks about only having so much space in your house (life) and to let someone in you have to start closing off doors and windows to those already in the house. This is the feeling you get when they start doing this.

Trust your gut. Keep quiet and be on the look out for further evidence. .

Yep he’s cheating