Does it make you sad that you don't have any parental support/help/relationship

[Keepitrealnomists]

My parents divorced when I was a teenager, my DF moved away not long after the divorce with a new partner and basically washed his hands of any parenting responsibility. As an adult we have a strained relationship, he's incredibly selfish and puts women in front of his children (always has)
DM remarried a bloke I can't stand for various reasons, as an adult I still don't like him and have little to do with him.
My DM never looked after herself and as a result has a many things wrong with her which means she's practically house bound and needs round the clock care.
My DM favours my sibling which I struggle with, she was always harder with me but gives him whatever he wants and it makes me resent them both.
Most of my friends can at least rely on their mum and I just don't have that, we can't do anything a 'normal mum and daughter would do' and while I'm used to it now it makes me feel sad. My DM is a difficult person and has lots of characteristics I struggle with. I have parents but in many ways I don't if you see what I mean.
Is anyone else in this situation and if so how do you deal with it?

I have two very toxic parents. One I went no contact with and one is very very limited. For my own sanity, i can tolerate my mum in 5 minute bursts. Since I became a parent, it made me more angry than upset and gave me the drive to be an even better mum.
I sometimes get annoyed at my brother, the golden child, whos mid 30s, single, and lives at home with no job but then I think what kind of life must that be.
I do feel envious of those who have big loving families but I just remind myself that my family wasn't my choice. Im also very proud ive done ok for myself (in terms of becoming a decent person). I have very close life long friends. Some of whom have similar situations. My other half's family is also very supportive.
It is also quite exhausting not having a support network with childcare (especially as my mum used to say she couldn't wait to be a nan). It sounds awful but I have to think of my parents as though they're dead. ì expect nothing

My mum dies years ago and I don't speak to my dad because he's horrible. He still speaks to my brother and their relationship is strained because of my dad's attitude. I cope with it by relishing responsibility for my own life. I'm in charge, I take care of me, my family, my friends, and they do the same for me, because I chose respectful loving people to surround myself with.

I think it makes you stronger and more independent. I know women that aren't able to make a single decision without consulting their Mum. If a man were to do this he would be called horrible names.
It used to make me feel sad when l was younger but not anymore. I don't feel as though l am missing out on much to be honest.

I moved away and started a new life for myself and my children.
i have no contact with my mum . Never knew my dad .
It’s hard work but at least I am free of negativity and toxic input now .

I know what you mean. My mum spent my whole childhood telling me my dad said they should never have had me and making out I was the reason for her unhappiness. Well, guess what? She was miserable before my birth and has been since I left home!

like yours, she takes zero responsibility for her own health and mental
health. I’m literally only of use to her to moan at and do things for her.

I exploded over text yesterday and pointed out she has never once asked how I feel about my dads death (just over a year ago). Classic response - how upset she is. Her feelings are always so much more valid and important than mine, and expressing my needs is always met with anger.

she’s moving closer which I only hope means we can manage a new relationship where I can pop in for 15 mins. Yesterday I seriously contemplated going no contact and realised it would probably be the best thing I could do for my own mental health.

I already’grey rock’ her so she can’t ridicule, gossip about, ignore or generally ruin anything important to me. But it’s bloody draining. I’m really sorry you have emotionally absent parents too.

Yeh I guess, my father is a wheelchair user (had a stroke about 10 years ago) so can’t physically help and my mum isn’t interested in helping with my children which is fair enough. I do envy people whose kids stay at their grandparents every weekend and get a lot of help with childcare.

Yes for sure. I get on well with my dad but he loves 200 miles away and we share very different beliefs. My mum is so incredibly toxic (they are separated but live in the same town) and it stops me going to visit my dad as she'd go mad if she knew id travelled to see him and not her.
I had a baby last year and it makes me extremely sad not having a good relationship with my mum like I see lots of other mums do. Especially as it was unplanned and im pretty lonely here. But that's life I guess.

we can't do anything a 'normal mum and daughter would do'

Such as? I thought I had a great relationship with my mum, albeit a long distance one as I lived away with relatives for senior school (good opportunity scholarship) and went home in school holidays, then moved out for uni, and subsequently work always meant we were a plane flight away. Not that we said it to them but we both believed we had a much better/closer relationship than mum had with my other siblings, including a sister who lived at home with her until mid 30’s. When she became elderly and knew things needed to be organised, I was the one she contacted to fly in and help her organise her affairs, not my siblings 5-20mins down the road.

What do ‘normal’ mothers and daughters do? In what ways do you mean you can’t rely on her?

Yes I'm envious of mums who have close supportive relationships with their mums. I can't imagine that.

I struggled with parenting as I didn't have good role models. Unsurprisingly they were mostly NC with their own families when I was growing up so I never saw how normal families functioned either. (They lacked friends too)

They didn't split when I was at home but if they had I don't think Dad would have bothered much with contact with me other than some Disney Dad cinema trips. Even now with me and DGC birthdays and Christmas are just some notes handed over, no cards or thought to presents.

They've never been there for me in times of need, homelessness etc. living an adult life with no safety net has been very precarious.

My attachment issues with them has lead to difficulties with other relationships. I'd never really trust another human being fully.