Keep cocking up.

[Heyhoniddy]

I’m an idiot. Dh gave me a list of things to do as he went to work. I meant to do them but got on with some of my Etsy orders first, then went to sign stuff for my new job. It was by the fireplace supply shop so I stopped off to get a spare thingy and asda to get bits. Obviously the fireplace wasn’t quite so easy to fix as you tube suggested and Dh came in to a messy kitchen and me mucking about with fireplace.

id be pissed off too I guess. My question is whether it’s normal to shout quite so much. He stomped off to bed about 6.30 shouting it’s a disgrace.

According to him I don’t do anything. He’s been grumpy for a few days, I don’t think he likes me doing Etsy. It’s only for November but he’s like this every year. Usually coming in and yelling that it won’t make any money. Last year we suddenly had to have x which meant he spent the money it did make. I thought as I have a new ‘proper’ job, it’d be ok. and was really enjoying feeling like I could finally just do my Etsy shop as a hobby. It doesn’t make me rich, but it makes me happy. I don’t go to gym or anything else.

I don’t do it at weekends because Stuff takes over. This weekend he came into my room and started going on about the mess, then wanted help doing something then went on about the laundry mess.’ No one else has piles of washing’ oh ok then. Then he decided we had to have x from ikea to keep laundry tidy.i didn’t h think it would work but stopped doing what I was doing and went to ikea to keep him quiet. It didn’t work. I get confused because we stopped in tik max and he bought me a coat for £70.

I feel like if I work really hard on the house and it’s clean, he wonders what I do all day, if I let it go while I do something else he hits the roof.
maybe tackling the fireplace was a bit stupid, I thought I’d save money, there isn’t anyone to do it, and I don’t want a fire hazard. My friend said her chimney caught, which scared me.

I posteD under a different name about looking for a job ( thanks for the help)and now I’ve found one, Obviously I want the house streamlined and tidy for the start date.

His family is visiting too over Xmas, so suddenly I have to get new everything. nothing that huge, but there’s waiting times. I get that he’s frustrated and stuck at work and sees me as useless, he’s always said,’but you have 8 hours! ‘ I do. I don’t know what I do. I procrastinate cleaning, get bored, look at how utterly messy the house is. It takes about 4 hours to clean all over. No one else does anything. I feel if I do the laundry, suddenly the mucky floor will be a big deal. sorry rant. Trying to cut it down, or work out what’s going on. Just as I think we’re getting on I do something stupid.

Ooh that’s big writing!

Any man who shouted at me or gave me lists to do like I was his servant would be out on his ear faster than he could say "I'm a misogynistic abusive prick"

He's not the boss of you. Don't let him decide how your life goes.

He gave you a list...!?

Fuck the fireplace, I'd ve shoving that list up his arse and lighting HIM.

You aren't a servant.

Well it was a verbal list. I’m not the worlds best housekeeper. He sees me as not getting any jobs done, I see me as getting stuff he doesn’t notice done. Guess I’d better get the obvious stuff done pronto!
it does feel like whatever I suggest doing he says no, he Denys this. But have lost motivation. There’s a lot of redecorating I’d like to do and though I look at it it doesn’t seem to translate into action unless he takes the lead. I think it’s cos he’ll think I’ve done it wrong and get cross.
I have been lazy tbf. Started sertraline and it’s knocked me for 6.
he doesn’t like that once a year the house gets messy while I do Etsy orders.
don’t know what he thinks will happen when I start full time.
I think the main point is the stomping about yelling it’s disgraceful down the stairs, while the kids are in.
eew.
just venting. Getting on with jobs today.

I’ll give you a list, OP.

Phone Woman’s Aid.
Phone a solicitor.
Leave the bastard.

Ignore his anger, and take notice of your feelings: You don't like the way it feels being around him, and when you do start to feel things are ok, he makes it unpleasant for you again.

Why are you with him? Surely even happy times are tainted now, because you know his anger habit?

😅I'm not laughing at your original post but this did make me LOL

Ref original post: please stop tying yourself up in knots trying to please your DH - Nothing, and I repeat Nothing, will ever be good enough for him, he will always find fault no matter what you do or don't do.

Thanks everyone.
duncanbiscuits that made me lol!
watchkeys yup. True, am only just realising.
crystal glad I bought a smile!
im just crap at housework, hate it.
at the weekend when he barged into my room and complained about the mess..but you should see his office/clothes mountain.
but apparantly that’s ok, because he’s working hard to keep the family. I think it’s sad that the family won’t be one if he yells like that. I’m not sure what the teens will make of it.
I am beginning to think how I could ltb. It comes in waves when I suddenly think surely other dhs aren’t like this.

They really aren’t like this. But I had one who shouted at me, huffed, stropped and had bellowing tantrums. I can’t describe the overwhelming relief when I left him. I moved on to someone’s sofa and finally slept well for the first time in years. It wasn’t easy but my god it was worth it.

I’m married again, DH has never and would never raise his voice to me or tell me what to do. We’re partners, a team, who care for each other and do things for each other and communicate honestly and with consideration. That’s the point of a relationship, a marriage. Not to feel constantly criticised or inferior, like unpaid staff or an emotional punching bag.

I really hope you leave him and can have a happy life. I loved being on my own after I left him. After being so lonely when I was with him I never felt lonely by myself. I felt safe, in charge of my own time and energy, free.

Thanks anne.
I don’t get it. For ages he’s nagged me to get a proper job he was all happy for about 2 weeks, now he’s turned into a bell end. I start on Monday. Are they linked? He’s come in knackered, he does leave at 7 gets in at 6.30 hours drive, difficult job. And he’s kicked off again. There’s no clean mugs. He says, what did you do all day?
grrr.