Is this normal behaviour?

[Herewegoagain1416]

Been with my partner for 12 years, we have 2 DC, we’re not married. For about 6 months I’ve been wondering if he’s right for me long term. He’s very shouty, not just with me but also the kids. If for example they’re not getting ready quickly enough in a morning he will shout at them. He shouts at me as well for silly things, like last night I was asleep and by accident I pulled the cover off him, he went mad and shouted loudly waking me up. This is just one example but he’s quite short tempered.

Also this week he’s been off work but has refused to get up and help me get the kids ready so I’ve been left to do it all when he normally helps.

If I try to bring it up with him he shouts me down, I feel like I can’t say anything as there’s no point in standing up for myself as I’ll never get my point of view understood.

Is this normal behaviour which everyone experiences? Anyone had things like this happen before? Thanks

It's not normal no.
My partner has a tendency to raise his voice at me when stressed (maybe twice a year). I immediately nip it in the bud. Telling him on no uncertain terms is he to ever raise his voice at me. He apologizes and we get on with life. If it was as you describe I would be struggling.

"I feel like I can’t say anything as there’s no point in standing up for myself as I’ll never get my point of view understood".

^This caused me concern. I would hate for anyone to be living this way.

"I feel like I can’t say anything as there’s no point in standing up for myself as I’ll never get my point of view understood".

At this point I wouldn’t bother trying to make him ‘understand’ your point of view. He doesn’t care. I’d be stating my boundaries and say ‘do not raise your voice - I’m not raising my voice.’ or ‘the children are going as fast as they can - they’ve got time - stop raising your voice.’ Or ‘why are you shouting?’

He is asserting himself aggressively which is not ok in a loving, equal partnership. Do you really want this for the rest of your life?

Thanks for your replies, I have on occasion said not to shout at the kids but it makes no difference. He’s so stubborn and won’t be told. I really feel we are too different people.

I know he wants to get married but I just think it’s not the right thing for me but how on earth do I go about sorting the mess out?