Is it over?

[Dad2017]

I'll try and keep this brief

I've posted before about a sexless marriage but feels like things have progressed.

I would say for about the last 4 months me and my wife have not even touched each other in any way. We don't kiss, cuddle, talk about feelings, it's just kids talk.

She seems a bit oblivious to it all. I originally talked to her about affection and things changed for about a week I.e told her we don't kiss, cuddle etc and she is very much jekyll and hide, one moment she can be happy and the next she can just snap and I'm the main target. I've talked to her about this multiple times

I really miss affection but if I go by her parents they had a marriage that was similar so feel like that is just how she is.

I'm a extrovert and she is an introvert which is fine but I get made to feel guilty having a social life even if its out with a mate one time a month.

I've never cheated, always been there for her and the kids, successful but I only ever seem to get negative comments from her.

Feel like I've checked out of the marriage but she keeps talking about things in the long term and seems to ignore all the stuff I said in the past. I feel like this is the last chance before I make a decision and would be good to hear from people who have been through the same

In your last post you stated you had fallen out of love with her, had a totally sexless marriage, that she was never happy and was controlling but was too scared to do anything about it because she'd be upset, because of the kids and because you didn't want to leave your lovely home. All understandable but can you really see you spending the rest of your life like this?
Please don't stay for the sake of the kids, I'm sure they're both aware enough to pick up on all the unhappiness and tension.
Get legal advice and put plans in place to separate, sit her down and tell her this is happening. This situation has been going on far too long and it it was capable of being resolved, this would have started happening by now. I hope you can both make it as amicable and smooth as possible for sake of kids. You can make two lovely homes for them to be a part of, feel comfortable and secure in, rather than the one miserable one they're a part of now.

I agree totally with @Dont.

You will probably get a lot of responses here saying , it has only been 4 mths ( not in yr head), you need to stay for the children ( not true at all), go to marriage counselling ( this will not change the fact that you are two diff people not suited) or , your head has been turned ( maybe it has ).

"She seems a bit oblivious to it all". She may well be. Perhaps she thinks your marriage protects her antics and she is secure with no consequence .

You are unhappy, leave. You will have another lovely home one day soon and you will maintain a relationship with your children. It may seem scary when kids are young but, they grow so quickly. Be a good parent but be true to yourself.

She's oblivious, and you're struggling with the idea of leaving. When you last spoke of lack of intimacy, was it just that? Perhaps try with saying you are reconsidering the marriage and it may not be for you anymore. Give her time to think about it. After the shock has worn off, she will hopefully be more determined to discuss the issues and work on them together, given that you might not be done, if change can happen. Counselling perhaps. If not, you know where you stand. Likewise if change only occurs for a short period of time again, this could be how she is unfortunately, then you have a choice to accept it or not. Only fair to warn how serious the situation is.

@Opentooffers the OP has posted near exact same post in Nov and Dec 2021, Aug and now.in Nov 21 there'd been no sex for 5 years, in Dec 21 there'd been no sex for over 7 years etc etc the controlling and defensiveness on her part popped up after first 2 posts. He's states they have talked, he's suggested counselling etc which is why I said, if things were going to change, they would have started to by now. It's obvious it's time to move on but a year, OP is obviously still having a hard time initiating the separation. I'm not sure what advice can be given that already hasn't in the previous 3 posts

Thanks everyone, I think I know what I need to do. Yes I have posted before about the same situation in a slightly different context but I feel like I'm very close to that point now and wanted to make sure. To clarify I have tried to talk and resolve and things very quickly go back to the way they were. The point now is that I've had enough but the gremlins in my head feel like they need clarification. I think counselling is pointless as looking back this just a loop that keeps happening. We have definitely grown differently and this is now it, I know what I need to do. Thanks everyone, great advise 👍