Name change as this could be outing. If any tabloids see this please do not print this. This is my life and I need help. Please don't put this on social media either Mumsnet.
I am one of three children of my mum, I am the eldest and have a different father to my younger siblings. Growing up I was close to my mum but when I got with my now husband things changed. I saw how his mum treated him and realised a mother shouldn't treat a child like this, she also got jealous and would say she was ill for me to go home etc. I grew up and was given regular 'good hidings'. I remember I got a brush tangled in my hair once and she hit, slapped and kicked me. She has drew blood. There have been loads more occasions. My stepdad has stepped in before and told her to stop. She gave me a good hiding whilst I laid in bed trying to get the duvet to wrap around me to cushion her blows, she did this in front of her friend and she called me the next day to see if I was ok.
I have come to realise over the years that she is a narcissist. She can't be happy for me, I can't confide in anything to her as she turns it round to be about her. She has alienated me from my grandparents, won't tell me why, I know it's her because my Nan told me and she won't tell me why. I used to be very close to them, my aunt is disgusted with them. My sister has cut all contact with her. I now have two children, and she ruined the day I came home with my second. She says I am a bad daughter, I may be now as I have put up a mental barrier because I can't let her in anymore.
There are huge health and safety risks as to why we won't go to her house.
I have always tried to be the mother she wasn't to my own children. I have never laid a finger on them. I will never emotionally manipulate them to how she did me.
Her latest episode is her going mad at me over Christmas. I asked her if she would like to come Boxing Day, to which she said no, ok fair enough. Then she asked if we'd come there, I explained why - she knows why. She is now saying I don't make the effort, I can't stand the sight of her, I don't make her feel welcome at my house. When she comes here she sits down on her phone with minimal interaction with the children demanding cup of tea after cup of tea. She has been racist in front of wider family members. When she comes to a birthday she makes it about her, goes into rants about stupid things. Yet when she comes I wait on her hand and foot.
I am exhausted. This may sound very trivial but it has been going on now for nearly 20 years. She goes mad, then there's radio silence, then she messages and it's like nothing has happened, then a few months go by and it's the same. I only have her in my life because of the children. My sister has a child but because of how she is she's drawn a line and has nothing to do with her.
Do I cut her off? Nothing changes. I can't go to her for advice, I don't have any support from her. She thinks the sun shines out of my brother's backside, he is a criminal known to and monitored by the police. If this was my sister or I she'd be up in arms.
I am very close to my ILs but after my son's birthday, she took them away in another room and was crying to them, they were frosty with me after that.