What should I be looking for ?

[Mezza17]

I've written a couple of threads about having my heart broken by a guy who said he felt no desire for me because of my weight but wanted to be BFFs. He did a real number on me and I was broken.

Anyway, as part of trying to get over him, I went back to OLD, still feeling pretty fragile because it wasn't all that long ago at all.

So... I went for a drink with a guy who lives close by. And then he came to visit me at my shop - I run an animal charity and we have a shop to raise funds. And then we went out again and we had a couple of drinks in a bar and then I went back to his and he cooked for me. I'm a vegetarian. He went all out. He also bought me a cat mug to keep at his and bought some lego for my DD - who he hasn't met because I would never introduce her to anyone unless I was 100% sure of them and had been seeing the for months and months - even a year or so - I don't know because I've never done it.

He is very enthusiastic. He wants us to come off OLD and to be exclusive. He seems very into me. He seems to be a lovely guy. He's joyful and playful and good fun. He's easy to be around. He's caring and sweet. He's a bit "way-hay!!!" He's basically nothing like my usual type: the depressive musician type. He's a happy-go-lucky type. He's just bought a house near me. He texts me a lot. He is full-on. We had a great time in bed and he made me feel confident about my curves. He seemed to love them. He says he really likes me and wants to do things properly with me.

So, what I need to know is... is this all a bit too much? Is it too fast? Can he really mean it or is he a player? It's SO the opposite of what happened before that I don't know how to deal with it. What should I be looking out for? I'm so confused.

You are dating him, just see how it goes in the next few months as you are, no need for him to fully consume your life, see him 1-2 times a week at most so you have things to look forward to.
More importantly go with how you feel about him, and take notice of your gut feeling if it feels rushed. No one knows if he's trustworthy or a player unless you start noticing red flags, you go into it with good faith and trust them unless they show you otherwise, until then just relax he might actually be decent.

What should I be looking out for? I'm so confused

You've asked a question and answered it for yourself immediately. Stay away from situations that make you feel anything other than great. So, that includes confusion. With a compatible partner you're in an emotional position to form a relationship with, you'll feel good. All will be clear, trust will be there, so you won't be questioning like this, and you'll feel safe.

If you're feeling confused, he's either doing something confusing, or you're not emotionally ready for a relationship with him. Or a bit of both. Either way, unless you want to continue feeling confused, step back from this.

Hmm I would be wary of love bombing tbh. Google that and see.

The buying gifts for your kid...I'd feel uncomfortable with that personally.

Rule of thumb if it feels too full on, its too full on.

Have a few more dates. See how you feel about a relationship about 2 or 3 months in. There should be no rush. And you shouldt feel rushed.

It is wise to find opportunities to say 'no' to him about things. See how he takes it. Does he push and push? Or pretend he is is with 'no' but then bring whatever it is up again a week later.

Basically, does he respect your pace and your boundaries?

A good way to check they respect you I find is to say something like 'hey I'm not much of a texter so do you mind if we just chat mid week to confirm the date plans'. Basically find a way to say you don't want to be hooked to your phone 24/7.

Then observe if he respect that or not.
If he keeps texting when you've asked to chill it a bit then that's a good indicator that he doesn't respect boundaries.

To me texting 24/7 is never a good sign anyway (exception of maybe the odd day here and there where you aren't due to see them for forms while or something) as it indicates they are either exceedingly needy and insecure or narcissists that want you attention on them all the time.

I think it sounds like he's love bombing you, three dates and he's got a mug to keep at his house. I'd be very cautious