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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Odd holiday pictures?

19 replies

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 15:19

NC for this one in case it's outing.

A girl from work has got a new boyfriend. When I say "new" about 3 months or so. None of us girls have seen him yet.

Recently they went away for a weekend to a historic town and she said she had a great time and would put the pictures on FB. So we were looking forward to seeing them.

When we saw them they weren't quite what we expected. Not only does he look a lot older than her, (which doesn't matter I suppose) he looks really miserable in every photo, even scowling in one.

In another one he's giving her the middle finger ! 😮And she put that on FB !

We told her that he didn't look very happy and she said "Oh, he doesn't like having his picture taken but we had a great time"

Should we raise our concerns about her seeing this rude, grumpy old man or should we keep quiet?

OP posts:

maddy68 · 14/11/2022 15:37

What on earth does it have to do with you ?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2022 15:40

Stay out of your colleagues personal life. If she asks for your opinion, give it, but she's not.

CrystalCoco · 14/11/2022 15:40

I think you've already made your point, she's responded, leave her to it now.

whoknew123 · 14/11/2022 15:43

maddy68 · 14/11/2022 15:37

What on earth does it have to do with you ?

Couldn't agree more. If she's happy, be happy for her unless you have genuine reason to suspect the relationship isn't healthy.

chipsandpeas · 14/11/2022 15:45

maybe he doesnt like getting his picture taken, ive been known to stick the middle finger up when someones trying to take a pic of me and i dont want it

DosCervezas · 14/11/2022 15:47

There are far worse things a person could be than a ' grumpy old man '. People don't have to be constantly smiling like they're welcoming passengers onto the British Airways flight to New York.

UWhatNow · 14/11/2022 15:52

Oh dear OP - the responses aren’t what you were expecting were they? I disagree with them though. Like one of the adverts flagged on the tv at the minute, if you see red flags for another woman it doesn’t hurt to check in with them. That’s what I’d be doing - every week saying ‘how’s it going?’ and just listening and supporting. He might be a dick. He might be lovely. If you care about your work mate (which is nice) I don’t think it’s a case of ‘none of your business’ - it’s just looking out for other women.

ChristmasTunesAlready · 14/11/2022 15:59

@UWhatNow - I totally agree here.
I see some threads on MN where it's clear the OP should just mind their own business, but as you work with this girl and seem close enough as you're friends on FB and say you're looking forward to seeing photos and such, it most definitely is your business if you've got concerns. As @UWhatNow said, keep it subtle - check in with her now and again, ask how she is, how things are going with her new man.

I'm currently married to an older man (18 years my senior) and trying to leave as was made aware that I was subject to domestic abuse (verbal and emotional). It was my mum and current manager who raised concerns with me and I'm so glad they did!

Original poster

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 16:00

@UWhatNow Thanks for your astute post.

We did have a lot of her crying at work when she was on/off with her fiance. (Now off for 6 months) so we were concerned about a "rebound".

We did wonder why she was taking multiple pictures of him when she knows he doesn't like it ??

OP posts:

UWhatNow · 14/11/2022 16:05

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 16:00

@UWhatNow Thanks for your astute post.

We did have a lot of her crying at work when she was on/off with her fiance. (Now off for 6 months) so we were concerned about a "rebound".

We did wonder why she was taking multiple pictures of him when she knows he doesn't like it ??

Yeah I’d be giving a side eye too - especially the middle finger one. People do make shit choices though, and stick by them through thick and thin (an eternal mystery to me) so I guess all you can do is support (and gently challenge).

mondaytosunday · 14/11/2022 16:17

My mother looked miserable in 90% of photos - convinced she would never look good so made sure she didn't!
Just keep an ear out and see what happens.

Original poster

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 18:02

@maddy68 What on earth does it have to do with you ?

Well, everything, if she chooses to put photos on FB to be seen by millions including her work mates !

OP posts:

ElleDriver · 14/11/2022 18:06

It does seem like you're a bit over invested. You were 'looking forward to seeing her photos'. Why? I don't give it a second thought if my friends put their holiday pictures on social media or not

I'm all for supporting women and looking out for red flags but I really don't think you can judge a lot from a photo, even one where he's scowling. I'm sorry but I think you need to butt out and stop pressuring her to showcase her love life to you. Just make sure she knows you are a supportive and non judgemental friend should she ever need you.

GreyCarpet · 14/11/2022 22:38

It may just be how you've written it but it sounds like you're indulging in a bit of workplace gossip and drama to pass the time tbh.

maddy68 · 14/11/2022 23:43

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 18:02

@maddy68 What on earth does it have to do with you ?

Well, everything, if she chooses to put photos on FB to be seen by millions including her work mates !

She is celebrating her holiday. Not inviting negative comments from colleagues

Original poster

Dizzymrslizzy · 15/11/2022 07:03

@ElleDriver I think you need to butt out and stop pressuring her to showcase her love life to you.

I think that's unfair.

No-one has been "pressuring her to showcase her love life" at all.

No-one knew anything about her w/e break until she told us about it in the canteen. She works in a different dept so we only see her ( and each other) at breaks when shifts coincide.

She flagged it up and told us the photos would be on FB.

And if she knows he doesn't like having his picture taken why do it? Just so she can 'show him off' to us? No wonder he has a face like a bag of chisels.🙄

OP posts:

achangeisafoot · 15/11/2022 07:14

But you're all really keen to see him? That's oblivious so maybe she felt she had to take lots of photos of him?
I really don't think it's a big deal.

Also you clearly do judge his age or you wouldn't have referred to him as grumpy old man.

Aprilx · 15/11/2022 07:17

Dizzymrslizzy · 14/11/2022 18:02

@maddy68 What on earth does it have to do with you ?

Well, everything, if she chooses to put photos on FB to be seen by millions including her work mates !

No putting photos on Facebook does not mean it is everybody’s business to comment on a relationship. Very weird that you were looking forward to seeing somebody’s holiday photos, I like looking at photos but I have never given it sufficient prior thought to be looking forward to it. You sound like a dreadful office gossip.

Opaljewel · 15/11/2022 07:56

My partner hates taking photos too and he doesn't always want to comply. We usually have a great time and 16 years in. A picture doesn't really mean anything.

So many people stage their pictures for the gram. Many of them are not a true telling of real life and I doubt these pics are either.

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