I'm not coping after hubby left and cheated

[Mollylegs]

Hi anybody who's out there. I have been on here a few times in the recent 3 months, backstory is, hubby had been going out and coming back later and later then one night not at all. He even started re visiting an old friend from where he's from originally(25 miles away). Anyhow cut a long story short, we have been together coming up 21 years have an 18 year old son. He left I think 14 weeks ago now and I have been devastated at how little respect he has for myself or our son. My son has seen his dad for 4 weeks when it was coming upto bonfire night so he'd text his dad to ask if he could see him on the Saturday night, hubby said he already had plans so he couldn't. Bam on Sunday morning a phot of my hubby with his new person, when I think back as a lot of people had already said he probably had another woman. So without telling me or his son first had allowed this pic on Facebook. She is a single mother with 3 kids, one of whom is age 16 and is 7 months pregnant. The kids have different parents which isn't really an issue but I get the impression she's not the kind of person who would be bothered she was stealing someone's husband. So he obviously isn't bothered that I now know, he has told our son he hadn't cheated on me and he's only been with her for 2 weeks and because he adores his dad he said he believed him. I know it's not true and I know I should hate him but I'm so low still now as my MIL put it, why haven't I moved on, eh because I'm devastated and I can't really get why I am still so bothered. Am I being stupid? should I be ok because I'm really not okay at all.

Of course you are not OK OP.... but would you really want this waste of space lying scumbag back?

It's understandable that the end of a long relationship, the casual disregard for your child, and letting you find out about his 'definitely only 2 week' relationship on Facebook.

However, let's have a look at some plus points.

1. You've got rid of him - he sounds shit.
2. Your son is an adult, so you don't need to have any contact with him other than key days in your son's future, like uni graduation and his wedding day.

And now some practical steps.

1. Block him on social media so you don't get any more surprises.
2. Start divorce proceedings (I assume you haven't) whilst he still has any assets (assuming he has some).

Your goal now should be about self-protection. You can't mend your broken heart any faster than it wants to mend, but you sure as hell can protect your bank balance and your freedom from the chaotic life he's chosen.

I think it's fine if your son believes his dad that this relationship has lasted for 2 weeks. His dad has been enough of a shitbag to him already without him having to deal with this too, and almost certainly he's going to figure it out sooner or later. Unfortunately you can't protect him from his dad, all you do is be there to support him as he realises what a crap parent his dad is.

Is the baby his?

I would get onto the divorce proceedings and block him off social media for your own peace of mind.
I'm so sorry op what a pig! You deserve so much better.

If course you're low he's been so deceitful. You need time to process what has happened. Look after yourself and remember your self respect doesn't depend on him.

You are more than likely right that he’s been with her longer. after all there was a pattern of him missing and coming back later night after night.

You have every reason to be angry and upset with the way you have been treated- it’s completely understandable that you are sad. MIL is pretending that he hasn’t been disrespectful and dishonest, but it seems that’s not the case.

Yes, you do need to start again, but take all the time you need. The great lump of foolishness has walked into a family that needs support and babysitting- hope he’s ready to roll up his sleeves.

He’s done you a big favour- now you are free as a bird and can get on with life focused on you ab your son’s health and happiness without him causing you any stress.

Hi introverted pig, no his new other person has 3 children and her daughter is pregnant, so she is about to become a grandmother.

No your not being stupid at all, what you thought was your world and life has been shot to pieces. It's all new and you haven't had time to accept it and move on. Whi knows hiw long that will take. Hopefully your son is old enough to make his own arrangements with him and you don't need to be involved in making plans. That's if he isn't being completely selfish and giving his son the cold shoulder. Maybe MiL needs a word with him about this. You don't need to have any contact. Start divorce proceedings and look after yourself.