Life after divorce???

[Louie26]

Please tell me about your life after your divorce?

Pros /cons
things you've learnt
How you felt?
How Your feeling now?

It wasn't easy, but I am very happy I've done it.

Cons -
I have lost all joint friends (he told them whatever his story/ lie was and no one bothered to factcheck with me).
I live in a far less desirable area as the house went to him (far easier than dragging it out to get my share and I didn't want the kids to lose their home).
I have less disposable income than I had before.
I now need to sort my car out by myself.

Pros -
After 2 years of renting, I am now in my own house again, which I own by myself - my mortgage, my responsibility.
My bed! Spread eagle central. Oh, and the only one who snores is me!
I can decorate however I want.
I can eat whatever, whenever and however I want.
I can get up at 3am if I'm no longer tired.
I can go to bed at 8pm if I am tired. Both without comments, moaning or even sulking because my body clock works differently.
I can go out and meet friends whenever I want, even male ones, without having to worry about the consequences.
Better sex, even if it's by myself on occasion.
No pissy in-laws.
No walking on eggshells.
No one who destroys my stuff in rage fits.

And while 50/50 care for the kids does get to me sometimes, because I miss them, it does afford me the freedom to get a breather once in a while while the asshole finally has to pull his weight.

Post-divorce, which, yes, was harder than expected despite everything, I am happier and I am finally able to excel at work (again, no sulky husband who tries to stop me from working helps). I am also losing weight, because Mr lazy doesn't constantly want take-aways.

Life after divorce is full of the kind of hope and optimism you won't have felt in years. It almost doesn't matter how good or shit it is in reality in the months and years directly after divorce, because you know things can get better rather than worse and worse.

First couple of months was difficult, sorting logistics and finance, also doubting if it's the right thing to do.
However didn't take long to feel my shoulders ease and a sense of relief. People almost pity you until they can see how happy you are alone.

Now 4 years gown the line, life is the best I have had it. Friends with below average relationships give hints of jealousy that I'm out the other side and enjoying life. You find your inner confidence and strength, it's there... just believe in it.

Met a lovely man once I was settled in myself and happy to be single. I still live alone with dc but have the best date nights and holidays.

I look back at my life when I was married and realised I was a shell of a person, walking on egg shells and pandering to his mental health which turned about to be stress due to having so many other women on the go.

When you know it's time to leave, you know. Not many people regret leaving a marriage if it's their choice.

No regrets at all. All the cons are outweighed by the pros.

The lack of stress is the biggest change, which seeps (in a good way) into the rest of your life.

It's great.
Agree 100% about the lack of stress ... it lifts everything!
Pros are too many to list.
Cons:
hotel rooms are more expensive as I don't want to share with friends.
I have to walk the dogs every evening
Bills are not split

I’ve ended up with my DC full time, so for me I haven’t experienced much freedom, infact I’m now quite trapped in the house ( one has SEN so babysitting difficult). I do feel a lot of pressure financially. Have moved to a much smaller property in a less nice area. I am quite stressed but about different things!

I think if the DC stayed with ex some time life would probably feel alot better.

Having said that I do love being in the house on my own, plus like if I’m on holiday say can just decide to leave somewhere and have a lazy day. Not living with low level tension and resentment is 100 times better. Despite all the difficulties I wouldn’t go back.

Pros-

Never again feeling my stomach drop when I hear his key in the door.
Never being worried about him ruining any celebrations/Xmas/birthdays.
Never having to consult him about how much to spend on kids Birthdays/Xmas (because it would use up his precious beer/hobby/solo nights out cash)
Never being worried I'd need to call in sick to work because he refused to get up to watch the kids because he was still drunk/hungover.
Never being woken by him rolling in pissed at 3/4/5/6am.
Never having to take the kids out just because he's grumpy/ill/hungover.
Not having to keep the kids quiet so avoid a row.
Not having to do everything his way for a quiet life.
Not having to watch sport on TV, regardless of who's visiting/the kids etc
Not having to see the kids get less, just so he's happy/gets more.
Not having to pretend to be happy in front of the kids.
Not walking on eggshells daily.

I could keep going, and going, and going........

Cons -
Skint initially until I got finances/house sorted.

Says it all really...

Pros - I can do whatever I want when I want

Cons - I miss her I really really do. We are trying to put things back together (It didn't involve cheating or abuse) and I hope it works. Waking up next to someone you care about is a wonderful thing.

Cons -

• Despite keeping all the mutual friends I did get dropped by some coupley local 'friends'
• having to sort out DIY stuff
• having the energy to go take up invites to parties etc on my own
• it's more costly as a single
• not being backed up as a parent with difficult behaviour

Pros

• live exactly how I want to live
• no snoring
• no crap sex
• not having to accommodate stupid know it all made up opinions
• not having to be with someone who gave so little back
• travelled a lot
• go out a lot
• own my own home full of my choices of design and furniture
• eat and drink when and what I like

Cons - I don't have someone automatically to go on holiday/ for dinner with
Pros - literally everything else.

My exh just dragged me down. I'm free to do whatever I want now and I wouldn't change it for the world. The divorce part wasn't a lot of fun. People don't understand. I was coming out of an abusive relationship and people didn't get how I was feeling. Therapy really helped me come to terms with the trauma and if you can afford it I would really recommend it to help you process everything. I was in therapy for about a year - it takes time to come to terms with losing the life you thought you would have and being able to see all the potential of your life now you are free to live it your way. Don't rush, just give yourself time.