Ultimately, I know this will come down to it being none of my business, but I wonder if there's anything helpful I can do or say in the situation, or just to keep my nose out.
Some years ago, BIL decided he couldn't cope with his (undemanding) job and relentlessly "boring life", so he got a similar job with a friend in the country, bought a house with land, and now have a pretty sweet set up, with chickens, bees, orchard, etc. My sister didn't want to move.
He started complaining about his new job not long after, and has always said he'd be a househusband any day. Although he didn't offer seriously when their kids were little, and hard work. A few years ago, my sister was in an accident which has left her in a wheelchair. She can walk somewhat, but it is difficult. I visited the hospital every week for near on a year, giving mum a lift in. He/kids didn't visit very often partly because they live a good few hours away from the hospital. He farmed out her housework to the kids, and quit his job, even though they were very accommodating with time off and had also offered part time work.
She's back home now, all equipment, meds, physio and house mods will be paid for (forever) through government/insurance. Her compensation came through recently. All told, they will have substantially more available money per week than us (we both work), so it's a very decent amount which continues up to her pension age.
We went on our usual families get together last school holiday and it was rubbish. We usually do most everything together and have a great time, but BIL who isnt usually there and made it very clear he didn't want to be there) didn't want to get together, went off to do things with his daughter alone, didn't coordinate with the rest of us so we were waiting around and missing out on things, didn't do stuff if he didn't want to (even though his son wanted to specifically do stuff), and wasn't helpful or considerate at all with sister. I know this upset her, because she mentioned it more than once.
BIL has decided not to go back to work. I could understand that if he had some care role at home, he doesn't. He doesn't even clean her separate living area. I really don't know what he does beyond tend his garden, basic food shopping and as little 'housework' as possible. He farmed out most jobs to the kids.
I know it's almost the equivalent of one parent being a housewife/husband, but their kids are very self sufficient. He doesn't need to care for DS, he doesn't do much of the housework. He basically just does what he wants most of the time. He is very capable of working, and has 20 years until retirement. DS's lifespan isn't reduced or anything like that. She is independent. She hasn't said she'd prefer him to be at home full time because she's nervous of being alone or needs help. In fact, shes done it before when BIL took daughter camping for a few days. Our other sibling works in the care field and told her ages ago to make sure she protected the money when it came through, as he's seen many cases of partners just living off the comp money until it's all spent. Maybe it's this which makes me uneasy? The money is meant to be for her and her future, not for BIL to live off when he's capable of working. It worries me that she's in a vulnerable position, and it feels like she's being taken advantage of. I'll prob not end up saying anything though, as I don't think there's anything useful I can say/do.
Sorry this is so long! I can't really discuss it with anyone irl, but would be grateful for anyone's take on this, or info if anyone has been in a similar position. Thanks.