Any tips on how to get over (serious) heartbreak

[neighbour]

My friend in America is really suffering: she was left for a has-been pop star (can't say who, and anyway she wasn't well known in the UK), so the sting is extra big because my friend reads stuff in mags & website like, "X was at the Cannes Film Festival with Y, his lady love."

Anyway it's 5 months and she still feels terrible. I try to help her by talking to her and urging her to find distraction in any way she can. She's thrown herself into her work (when she doesn't feel paralyzed by heartbreak) and has finished her novel and is being commission to write things by lots big magazines, which has made her feel better. She's thrown herself into yoga. She's scraping together a little money to buy a plot of land in a cheap part of Mexico, just so she can have somewhere to escape. But still, she feels terrible. She's never been married, has no kids, and is 37.

How long do you think it will take her to get over it? And any suggestions? I want to help, and I also want to know for myself, because i feel so anguished/hurt by something my dp did recently, yet I would be devastated if we split. So anyway, it's hard to help my friend as much as I wish i could, because I feel so terrified by the subject myself.

How long were they together?

I'd recommend she stay away from gossip mags and websites.

And maybe consider counselling, if she's still struggling.

bump for you

it doesn't help right now - but sadly I think the only things that will help are time (and it could be a long time - 14 months after my H and I split up and I'm nowhere near over it), but also getting on with life, as she is doing. Work, hobbies, new friends etc. It's the best way. keep busy. Then over time you realise you're thinking about it less and less. Hopefully one day you wake up and don't think about them at all!

As for you and your partner - is counselling an option for you? It sounds to me like you're devastated by something he's done but are too scared to confront it for fear of splitting up.

I really think you need to deal with the issue and whatever problems led up to it, in order to be able to move on and get past it.

If you don't, it will eat away at your relationship and may eventually destroy it anyway.

As hard as it is, you have to face up to it...

Accept that is going to take a long time. I do think we dont always allow ourselves to wallow in our own self pity.

When i was at my lowest i just wanted to stay in bed and cry - and i read a book that said that was the best thing to do. By giving in to the grief and letting it come out may be the best thing.

Sometimes we try and soldier on in the hope that it will get better and when it is not we think we are doing something wrong.

The book said it takes different times for different things but the thing is let yourself be guided by you not others. Aparently there are only so many tears to be shed and eventually she will wake up and feel slightly better. It also suggested having some time each day to really think about it and then to do something else.

Wish her luck

I think she sounds like she's doing really very well actually; being all industrious and getting on with her life.
In my experience it takes 2 years to get over a broken heart; nothing can hurry it along, you might think you're over it then find yourself sobbing at 2AM.