Is this anxiety related or could this come true?

[milkyway512]

I’m 23 in December and am single. I’ve always wanted a family of my own one day, but understand families aren’t always perfect and have accepted one of my fears may come true, such as splitting up with the father and being a single mum.

however, I have this deeper more intense fear that my future partner (if I ever get another partner) will fall in love with my best friend. It sounds silly but I was just wondering how often this happens? Has anyone else gone through it and survived it? Thank you so much.

also, I was looking for some realistic advice on this query I have: If you do something wrong, does it sometimes mean a God or karma will punish you so you can’t find love? It sounds ridiculous I know, but sometimes I genuinely think that. I’ve had 2 proper boyfriends, one had severe mental health issues but is fine now, and the other love bombed the hell out of me and I left. I just worry all I’ll ever have is players and love bombers, or cheaters interested in me. so then the worry about karma comes in.

any realistic advice would be greatly appreciated! Sorry if I sound ridiculous, I’m aware what I’m saying sounds crazy but these are just my worries.

You're worrying about things that may never happen. And if you keep up this way of thinking you'll likely fail to live in, and enjoy, being in the moment when you meet your next partner.

You may never fully trust your next partner because you'll be anticipating and dwelling on every single permutation of what might happen. This will skew your behaviour and may make you very hard work to be with. You are so young to be weighing yourself down with all this worry about things that might never happen.

Have you thought about therapy or counselling to help you change your thoughts?

Thank you for your response. I’m trying to overcome my fears, which are mostly about things that aren’t real. I have had therapy but there is only so much therapy you can have for imaginary fears! I have had a lot of therapy and it’s kind of helped but not really.

I’m not sure but if you were my daughter I’d be very worried about you. Are you Really sitting worrying if you ever find a boyfriend they might fancy your best mate? Then I think you need help and that’s what if advise any child of mine.

If I ever notice myself having fears about imaginary scenarios, I stop myself having those thoughts, because it is pointless and a waste of imagination.

Have you read the Artist's Way books? There is one (either Vein of Gold or Walking in the World, I think) where she (Julia Cameron) recommends creativity instead of therapy.

Basically focus on other things - creative projects, hobbies etc etc. Don't waste your psychic energy on pointless thinking and worrying.

well i am nearly 50 and it has never happened to me!

i have learned as i have grown older to not give so much of a fuck about men, as I have of my own needs and satisfactions. Youth has this weird habit of priming you for disappointment, fear, distortion. We are supposed to be at our happiest, butt it doesn't work out that way. Odd isn't it?

Reserve all fears for yourself. If a man fits, let him in, if he doesn't push him out. You were not born to put up with anxiety about men. Men come and go, foten, or they stay. And those who stay, must satisfy us.

Children are ideally supposed to be the result of passion and like minds. I am always amazed at the amount of women who will bypass this for breeding and so called 'security'.

You won't hear this possibly because you are so young, but if you do not prioritise your self first and foremost, you will most definitely suffer. This is just how it works out there. make a standard you are happy to go with and stick to it. Don't listen to shit about time passing and whatnot, just only accept what is ideal for you. Time moves fast. Don't waste it.

Op do you think this is maladaptive day dreaming?

Sounds like ocd to me. Intrusive thought patterns . I'd see your gp and see what they think. If it might be worth looking into therapy for ocd.

There are some very unhelpful thought patterns in there which can easily become habitual. I absolutely agree with the advice above about therapy and support. CBT can be superb in cases like this.

I'm ten years older than you & although not the same thoughts I was where you were at 23 & I still struggle some days now. It sounds like you're suffering from intrusive thoughts, which everyone on the planet suffers from by the way, but it's how much notice you pay them & how much they get under your skin that's the problem. Please please seek some help. You're still soooo young & can change the way you react to these thoughts. For what it's worth, my dad left when I was 12, he was my best friend, but he changed overnight & cut off contact with me. I had issues with men growing up because of that, and I always pictured myself as a single mum. (No problem with that btw, my mum brought up myself & my siblings alone) Cut to now where I'm married to a bloody decent bloke & we have a child together. But my head was convinced this wouldn't happen to me. Try to be kind to yourself. The brains' job is to protect you, that's why you're getting these thoughts, but they're on overdrive. Reach out to your GP, have a read up on OCD & Intrusive thoughts. It hopefully won't seem so scary & overwhelming once you understand a bit about them both. Big hugs x

Sorry if I sound ridiculous, I’m aware what I’m saying sounds crazy

Step one would be to stop invalidating your own thought processes at every turn. This is the ultimate in self dis-respect, and who wouldn't feel anxious when their thoughts were being disrespected all the time?

Imagine that the bit of yourself that thinks you sound crazy and ridiculous was a separate person. Imagine being that person, and following you around, saying out loud to you 'You sound crazy, you sound ridiculous. You don't know how to think properly. Nobody but cheaters and crap people will ever be interested in you. God is punishing you for the stuff you've done by stopping you ever having proper love.' How would you feel to be the person telling you that? Would you like it? Enjoy it? Or would you feel like a horrible person who was trying to ruin your every minute and destroy any positive thoughts or feelings you might dare to have?

How else could you speak to yourself, if you had an unfounded fear? Imagine yourself as a child who had an unfounded fear. What would you say to a child who was afraid of a shadow on the wall? 'You're being ridiculous. You're crazy. You're being punished because you deserve it.' or... 'It's ok, sweetheart, it's not really something you need to be scared of, although I can see why you would be...'

Etc. Have a look into self validation, and give it a go. You're allowed to feel scared. You're allowed to worry. They're natural emotions. Be gentle and kind with yourself.

I agree.

Also, someone once told me that worrying is just day dreaming about horrible things. That is so true! Occupying your mind with enjoyable activities is a big help.

Hi OP! I have OCD and I go through these exact thought patterns, even when you spoke about karma, I was convinced for a year that my thoughts would manifest (for example; if I think my bf might cheat on me then he will PURELY because I thought it)

It made me really unwell without realising! I'd definitely see a GP

I didn't have these exact thoughts but lots of worries that were very made up but could happen if that makes sense. I mean a plane could fall on your house but it's not likely. You can't control a lot of life so why worry. I have a really good book about cbt and anxiety. It's huge but very helpful. DH got it for me when I was at my worst. Also I would recommend some cbt sessions

@teaandtoastwithmarmite what's the name of the book please?

The complete cbt guide for anxiety

I’m really overwhelmed at the amount of lovely responses I’ve received - they all have truly helped me and I feel so grateful. Thank you! I have been diagnosed with OCD, and it changes its theme and the way it forms in my mind so it’s hard to tell it’s ocd each time. I thought maybe the intrusive thoughts were my intuition. Thank you so much again :)