Known my friend for over 20 yrs, we have an age gap but as I am now in middle age, it isn't something that has ever defined it or got in the way. Surprisingly our lives have been somewhat similar.
We are long distance now but have contact by phone/internet. However, even before she moved away 10 yrs ago, this was the state of play.
We have a lot in common, think very similarly, and can talk till the cows come home. We are very intuitively close, in that most concepts make sense and we can share almost anything, and I have always had the impression that this person 'gets me' quite unlike anyone I have ever met.
But, and here's the BUT! There's always been this sense of distance, perhaps emotionally, and quite early on I often felt as if I was kept at arms distance for some reason, but told myself I was being silly. I generally accept people for who they are and like a good deal of space myself, so have never mentioned it. However, at different points in my life I feel that she has suddenly got a problem or distraction whenever I am in need of a friend. My mother's death, an assault when I was 30 (she appeared initially like a guardian angel then totally moved off shortly after), when my relationship ended, etc.
She lives alone in a very rural area and is happy there, occasionally friends and family drove to her and help her with stuff, but I have never, in 10 yrs been invited to visit. I don't drive, and have even begun to wonder if I am not invited because I am of no 'use' to her without wheels. Her visitors generally take. her out and about shopping or sightseeing which she can't do without them (health reasons).
Recently I became very ill with a virus and spent 2 weeks stuck in bed feeling dreadful. I emailed her on the second night to tell her I felt rough and would hopefully speak soon. No reply. It is a month since that email and nothing. This isn't terribly unusual but I do think a friend ought to have at the very least asked how I'm getting on in that space of time. She doesn't work and is always online, so has surely seen the message.
I do feel currently that this is pointless and I should just forget it. I have possibly overestimated us being close friends for many years, but this is likely due to her being very, very good at 'bringing me out of myself' and always saying the right thing. Perhaps this is a technique a lot of fickle people use and I am a bit too naive to see it?
I don't wish to break off the friendship, or say anything, but maybe it is time to make some distance myself? Anyone experienced anything like this?