How can I handle this

[Autumnfaery]

I'll try to keep this short as I can. I've had trust issues with DH for months. Nothing major but the last few months my intuition more than anything.
Anyway last night I noticed him acting odd on his phone. I went out of the room and something told me to look through the glass panelled door (there's a small line you can see through) and he was messaging someone. I walked back in the room he swipes off the screen onto Facebook. I did this about 5 times over the space of an hour, watched him message when i had left the room, then swipe when I go back in. Obviously messaging someone he shouldn't and feeling guilty when the wife walks back in.
But how can I handle it. I can't get on his phone it's locked. And I can't tell him I've been watching him through the door. I can't cope with it all and I knew he was chatting to someone else. It wasn't short text in the convos either it was long conversation in each text. I couldn't see who It was but his behaviour speaks volumes that its not a male friend. I don't know how to handle it, I actually feel like I hate him right now
We've been married 10 years and have two children one with SEN.
If it is someone else then that will be it I'm done.

Could he be stressed with work or something else and texting a friend? What was it about his behaviour that makes you think it's not a male?
Is there anything else that has made you suspicious, late home, change in appearance etc?

Don’t read too much into it.

Could he just be arranging a Christmas present for you? If you’re feeling suspicious it’s easy to look at everything through that prism.

Ask him outright. Just say " why are you messaging every time I leave the room and who is it?" His reaction and answer will tell you everything you need to know OP. If he denies doing so, ask to see his phone. If it is totally innocent he should have no issues with showing you.

Sadly mobile phones are perfect support tools to enable affairs.

What other trust issues are you having? Has his behaviour towards you or working pattern changed?

He was also looking at a female story looked like a model on Instagram.
I don't think it would be the gift thing. His whole body language was off. Im very suspicious as it's happened before in the past

Thank you this is a nice thought but I really don't think it was that.
There is also a female work colleague I'm suspicious of.
At the moment I can't really do anything other than monitor it

You say it’s happened before in the past? What actually happened and what did you do/how did he react then?

Thank you. This was my other idea and it's a good one. But at the moment I just daren't as it will cause a blow up and I have so much other stress on right now.

There's a work colleague I'm suspicious of, but really trying not to be. Things aren't great between us no. Not badly but there is reasons why he could be getting attention off someone else and he's done it before hence my worries

I kicked off and he was saying it was just banter and the old excuse of 'i can't have any female friends ' crap

You don’t trust him, so I’d be making plans to end it at some point.

There's no real problem sharing a text joke or two with a female friend or colleague. Unfortunately in some situations exchanges can become flirty and dangerous, which seems to be what your hunch is? Hopefully at this stage it's just something to be aware of and keep an eye on if there's no other signs like disappearing off the face of the earth for periods of time.

The phone and the messaging isn't the problem, it's a symptom of the problem. If you're coming to a forum rather than feeling you can speak to your partner directly about a relationship issue, the problem is that you don't trust your partner.

Why can't you simply tell him you saw him sending messages several times then swiping away when you came into the room, and ask him what's going on? What do you fear would happen?

Well I've asked him about it. He says it's just work mates and stop being silly. No, I don't trust him due to past issues.

I'm not happy about that but I'm leaving it now. We have an illness in the family and to be honest that's more important than worrying about silly messages which may be nothing. If he is flirting with someone else then he's stupid isn't he, it will all come out in the wash.

stop being silly

He's minimising your feelings and so are you. It'll come out in the wash when you start prioritising your feelings by realising that feelings are all we have. Whatever else happens in our lives, if we're not happy with it and we don't feel safe with it, we won't feel happy or safe.

I hope your family illness isn't too serious or stressful, and that you start respecting your feelings soon.