I looked on their phone

[Hotchocolate101]

I looked on my DP phone from just having a feeling. I never have looked before. We haven't been good for a bit and recently spent 2 weeks apart having space. We decided to try at our relationship. So I looked on their phone, they asked if I had and I was honest and said I had.

I found a text message from someone. The number wasn't saved and they had archived it in WhatsApp. The message was only " hi, how are you? Xx". She had not mentioned a random person messaging before. This message was sent the day we decided to try work at our relationship.

I apologised for looking on their phone but said I had some questions about this unknown person. Well my DP went mad and avoided my questions. Apparently this guy was someone she lived with as a friend. I've never heard her discuss this person before or mentioned it. She said she always archives chats to then get back to later. I've seen her in the past just leave messages in the main chat and get back to them later on. ( shes texted openly beside me in the past, as have i) So I'm not sure if this adds up. I asked why they didn't mention it in passing convo that someone she supposedly hadn't heard from in 10 years had randomly messaged.
She keeps saying I'm being angry, which I'm not. I've just asked for answers. However she's attacked me and said I'm not a nice person, I think I'm perfect etc.

I just feel she isnt being honest and deflecting onto me. What do you think?

I think you shouldn’t have looked at the phone and it sounds like the trust has gone on both sides now.

How long have you been together?

I think you fucked up and are deflecting blame on her. You went searching for absolutely anything to justify your concerns and have fixated on a chat that she hasn't even entertained, and have then demanded she answer all your questions about him. You've completely brushed over the fact you've invaded her privacy and probably do come across as angry. You sound volatile

Almost 3 years together

Well I don't know as I don't know you both. But generally speaking it doesn't sound like a message to worry about.

BUT her response (if you genuinely aren't angry) would seem like deflecting to me too.

Has she form for cheating?
Or do you have form for paranoia?

Also, you were split so...tbf you probably should have looked at her phone and she had every right to talk to others during that time.

I think this relationship has run its course. Sorry but if someone messaged me "hi, you ok?", I don't have to justify that to anyone. I didn't send the message or even reply to be forced to have a Spanish Inquisition. You're unreasonable.

You tried to catch her cheating but found zero evidence. Nothing she can say will make you feel normal because you have issues that you need to work on.

We went split and we both agreed this, just had space and didn't see each other.

No I'm usually very secure and had no worries. It's usually her who is very insecure but I've never given a reason to be insecure and always been open.

I don't know if she had form for cheating but her last long term relationship she claimed her ex cheated and she said she got with someone else very quickly so I don't know the true story behind it. I know with her last partner the next day she was on dating apps and began speaking to me

We weren't split*

You had a feeling and looked. She's angry. I'd be angry too.

It sounds like you're having issues anyway. Maybe it's time to think about breaking up.

She was angry and now she's gone the complete opposite when I stated I wasn't angry and just wondered who this person was. She's being extremely over the top nice.
I don't think it's the content on the message itself but her reaction that's confusing me

I'd say she was angry you invaded her privacy as opposed to anything else.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. You’re already separated at 3 years. Life it way too short for this drama.