Building a couple life in later years

[Fuwari]

Would you say this is even possible? I feel like the relationships I know that are strong and still working are those who got together In their 20s/30s. Bought the fixer up house, raised DC together etc. A team that navigated life together. In my. 50s I feel I did all that alone. So how would I build that kind of bond with someone? What is there to “aim” for if you get together later in life?

I feel like most men of my age are just looking for someone to not spend their elderly years alone. That isn’t enough of a bond for me. Have I left it too late? I feel like I have and I don’t have the patience to even try. I may just be rambling! But if you got together later in life, what “couple goals” (not keen on that phrase but can’t think of anything better!) do you have?

empathising with you. a lot of it is about money unfortunately - men are looking for a free carer and it is helpful if you have some money or income.
you are right it is v difficult to build anything later in life, men set in their ways, children, many going through their andropause so not pleasant to be around. I'd suggest have fun. go to dinners, spend money on travelling - it is the most uplifting and enriching experience. Put yourself first. A man does not define you. Enjoy your life and maturity. It is a privilege.

Perhaps it might be wise to redefine the word ‘couple’ in this context? It doesn’t need to mean buying a home together, and, really, given the ‘free carer’ point above, there’s every benefit in maintaining separate domestic lives.

As for goals - harmony and … rhythm (aka a degree of synchronicity). Someone whose life works in step with your own, without any wrenching or infeasible demands. And a relatively easy falling into each other’s ‘community’. If you’re done with frantic striving there’s no requirement to artificially recreate it to define couple-hood.

You can be a couple and still live in your own, separate homes. Many people do that and really enjoy their relationship.