Potentially getting back with my ex wife

[day88]

Hi all,

I'm going to try and put all of this in a nutshell over the last 18 months but it might be hard!

I am divorced from my ex wife and all this happened when we had our 2nd child she was 4 months old. I did wrong and so did my ex wife. She found someone else on bumble and it turns out the guy is a bit of a psyco.

We've always been like two magnets to each other over the last 18 months and have tried a few times to sort things out, however she keeps going back to him. Basically... he has that grip over her. Then he shows his true colours and it's back to square one. It happened in July last and I thought that would be that.

Fast forward to the last few weeks and we've been talking about us. Tuesday just gone she finally fully admitted that she wants the family life and only wants it with me.

I'm finding it so so hard to trust her, for the first time she's actually speaking about a future together and she's told me she doesn't want to go from one man to another and that this time it feels different this time in terms of going back to him.

When she told me she wants us all back together I could have done cartwheels for hours.

She said she wants to take things slowly and thoughtfully. But this trust thing is giving me so much anxiety. I don't want to be intense with deep chats, but I find it so hard to sit here not hearing for hours.

I know a lot of people say going back doesn't work, but I honestly want this more than anything. To have my family back.

I think you both really need to have therapy and time apart then have couples therapy. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but it feels like a lot of work needs to be done before you try and reconcile or it will fall apart again

Thanks for your reply. I totally agree, I think trust is the hardest part when you've been through a lot.

She seems different this time. She said I would have got what I wanted eariler, but she needed to make sure the guy she was seeing was definitely the wrong choice.

It is absolutely killing me to be fair. It's hard because when you want something so bad and it's all in the air you just have to sit back.

So she's kept you as a back up? Honestly, move on, be a dad to your kids and forget about this woman! She's used you, knowing what you have wanted and now only wants it because he hasn't worked out! You need to get on with your life mate, you could do so much better than this. Your children will be affected by this to-ing and fro-ing. Once you've lost trust, it's very difficult to get it back! Best wishes!

I’d be very wary to be honest.

Just an update as most people never give the end story.

Turns out she was just going back to what she knew.

I knew something wasn't right, posted it here for advice, took the advice and called her out. No romance in there at all!

Onwards and upwards

I’m sorry. It’s going to be a tough couple of months but you’ll get through it and you’ll not just be ok, you’ll be so much better in the end. There will be really hard days but try and find distractions when you’re ruminating. And remember that kids don’t develop well and form secure attachments in households with unhappy parents. You’re already a much better model for them alone. You’ll meet someone else when you’re ready. Use all of this to define what you need and want from a relationship. It’ll be ok.