Should I stay?

[osed]

Any help/advice would be appreciated.
im in a relationship with a lovely, kind, generous and romantic man. We have two very small children together. 2 and 1. Our relationship has always been based on more of a really good friendship. I guess I never fell head over heals. I can already imagine the question, well why did you continue but the simple answer was I had been single since my teens and thought it would just never happen for me.

since having children I’ve found myself in a similar situation to this with regards to the sorting. I have a third child. Incapable of making calls, sorting household repair jobs, sorting any finances or even phoning the doctors/childminders for our kids.

he’s never had to be financially responsible as I had a house when he met me. And now we have one together it’s everyone else’s job to sort out any diy jobs. My dad is a hands on man, can do pretty much everything and has tried to show him time and time again, but he said he’s just not interested in learning. But then continues asking my dad for “Favours” when things are going wrong. He will never say no because he thinks of me. Although frustrating I’ve just gotten on with this. He’s not a sex pest, he’s very emotionally present which is what drew me to him but he’s just vanilla.
when I was heavily pregnant he got sacked, I stuck by him and said I couldn’t go through it again especially with a family to provide for. Less than 2 years and 2 children down the line we are here again. He managed to get 2 disciplinarys in the space of 2 weeks in august and he’s finally now just got the boot. In the time that’s passed he’s not been proactive about sorting himself out/finding a new job. He’s now at home again and don’t get me wrong I’m not having to lift a finger. But I have 2 children who I adore, a stressful job and I’m now working longer hours to provide and missing out on my kids because of him. I’m resentful towards him and have no respect for him.
he’s a good person, a good friend and a good father but I just worry I will spend the next 20 years of my life “plodding” if I stay with someone who isn’t putting the same effort into our family life as I am.

I had one like this. It's exhausting. It's constant. It never improves. U r not his parent. He has to go.

He sounds like a loser; getting sacked; not contributing to work in the home - why stay with someone who doesn’t enhance your life?

So what were the disciplinarys for? Hopefully he wasn't a sex pest. Or was he late for work? If so that would indicate hes work shy and he needs a boot up his arse and sent on his way. Best

I’m resentful towards him and have no respect for him.

This is a slow death with the kids watching. Don't do it to any of you.

he’s a good person, a good friend and a good father. A good person would make sure they pull their weight, a good friend would not want to see you carrying the burden for everything, a good father would want to set an example to his children and support his family. Sorry he sounds like a total loser.

“he’s a good person, a good friend and a good father. A good person would make sure they pull their weight, a good friend would not want to see you carrying the burden for everything, a good father would want to set an example to his children and support his family. Sorry he sounds like a total loser.”

This. He sounds very irresponsible and rather useless.

This. He is NOT a good father or partner, he can't be bothered to provide for his own family.

He lives in your house, gets your dad to do his diy and now seems to be expecting you to keep him. What sort of person says he isn't interested in learning?

If you want to stay together, get on his case immediately, there are plenty of jobs out there, we are in the middle of a skills shortage. Do not allow it to drift or he'll be living off you for the next 20 years.

If you don't love him any more, tell him to leave.

@MintJulia I love him, but I’m not in love with him.
@TacCat49 his disciplinarys were over complaints made about him about ignoring calls and emails on both occasions.
@GreenManalishi I know and this is what worries me, I’m also worried about what the children will grow up thinking a relationship is
My only worry really is having miss out on special occasions for my children, being a part time mum. I feel like I’m trading one negative of him being irresponsible and useless for the negative of not seeing my children every day. It’s a no win.

i don’t want to portray a picture of him that’s negative. He is actively looking for work, doing all the chores and doing the childcare whilst I’m at work. But he thinks that’s the extent of it.
i shouldn’t want to change him and I know He wont change. He’s so laid back, so “comedaygoday” he actually thinks he’s done nothing wrong.

I know how I feel and what I would do if it was just me. It’s having the courage to do it, and the prospect of missing my babies

You have a choice re this man, your children do not. I would argue that it would be far more damaging to have this man in their lives long term than it would be for you to perhaps miss some special occasions e.g Christmas Day celebrations every year with your children. Given how he is they would soon cotton onto how irresponsible he is. He is leeching off you because he can and you let him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

It’s hard enough to even change one aspect of your own behaviour, expecting or wanting someone else to step up is an exercise in futility.

In your initial post you wrote, “in the time that’s passed he’s not been proactive about sorting himself out/finding a new job”.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

OP, break it all down to one, basic, question.

Are you happy ? In general, do you wake up/go to sleep 'happy' ?

Regardless of the details etc, just answer the basic question.

If the answer is 'yes', then you can get down to trying to sort out the 'details' that annoy/upset you. i.e his employment etc

If the answer is 'No', then you have your answer, because being unhappy daily is not a way to live, and it will effect your DC too.

@AttilaTheMeerkat my parents are as much in love today as they were when I was a child. They have rough times, disagreements like everyone else but they work through them. That have always taught me 2 things… you have to work at relationships in order for them to succeed and there has to be something that’s holds you together and for them it’s physical chemistry and fun. I know the second one is the what I struggle with. But I don’t feel I have done everything I can to save it, so feel a failure.
@oobeedoobee i am happy in life - work, family, friendships, children so yes I go to bed happy.
but I’m the most unhappy at home and often do what I can to avoid being there.
maybe I’ve got an unrealistic ideal image of what a relationship is. It goes back to “the grass being greener”

I’m resentful towards him and have no respect for him

It's hard to understand the title of your thread, given this sentence alone. How do you think it could be good for you or your children to continue to be around this relationship?

"But I don’t feel I have done everything I can to save it, so feel a failure".

If anyone should feel a failure here it is your husband but he does not.
What else can you possibly do here if he refuses to engage?. You cannot rescue or save this on your own and he just wants you to carry him for the rest of his days. Living in such unhappiness is failure.

And apart from anything else what are your children going to remember about their childhoods?. I feel they will leave home sooner rather than later and they won't necessarily dash back to see either of you.