“He does help with some jobs around the house though.
I'm not perfect. I have no sex drive which he hates but didn't help me feel good about myself. But he does get a bj every night.”
OP, let’s pick this apart — firstly, it’s his house. He’s not a child with a chore list.
Secondly, you do not have to be perfect to be treated well in a relationship - no one is!
Third, I’m sorry to make wild guesses but my guess is you do have a sex drive, but fancying someone who treats you like a slave is beyond it.
Fourth, stop doing that now.
Your whole post disturbed me but Jesus that last line about BJs made me jump out of my seat. Whether you were a 13 yo girl or a 35 yo woman I would say the same: you should never do anything sexually you don’t want to do. Why are we okay at telling this to teens but not to ourselves?
He has coerced you into being his slave and prostitute, and the last few months were a game where he plays “good guy” for a while until he feels you no longer need placating.
Im in a similar position but not as bad, and I’m leaving. You can see my thread if you like.
It’s not your fault, men like this are very manipulative. But now you’ve woken up (you’re posting on here so I think you have), the question is: do you act on this knowledge?
For me, I woke up last month when I read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. I could never unsee the problem now. It’s given me strength. There is like a veil of knowledge in front of his face every time he talks. All the behaviour I thought was loving… much of it is fake, just done quickly and sloppily to placate me before he does back to doing whatever he wants to do - not me, usually stuff on his phone.