Almost at the end of my tether

[Cameleongirl]

I’ve moaned about this before so sorry for the repetition, but the situation’s getting worse!

I’m at the stereotypical “sandwich generation” stage of life, middle-aged, with an elderly parent, teenagers and DH. Everyone relies on me so much and constantly asks things of me, I’m sick to the back teeth of it.

I understand that my elderly parent and my DC need me, but DH piles it on as well -we run our own side business in addition to our regular jobs and and there’s always something he wants me to do, plus he has other business interests that he wants to discuss, etc., etc. He’s a constant source of “ more to do”rather than a supportive partner, IYSWIM. Sometimes I wish he’d just shut up and leave me in peace!

Where’s my support in all this, aside from my equally harassed friends?!😂

Are these side businesses giving you any benefit ? Sounds to me that you have many jobs between the two of you. Being in the sandwich generation isn't fun, but if all these jobs are laying down security for the future, maybe they are worth it. If you want him to shut up and leave you alone, I guess you're really saying that you want him to do all the work with no support from you. Hmmm. Maybe talk to him about it , there might be a compromise somewhere, where both of you feel supported.

If you want him to shut up and leave you alone, I guess you're really saying that you want him to do all the work with no support from you. Hmmm.

I can see how it comes across that way, @starrynight21 , but it’s more that he doesn’t understand how stressful the situation is when everyone wants my time and emotional/physical support, for example, my elderly parent. DH hasn’t (and never will) go through something similar as he’s from a large family, while I’m doing this alone.

He likes having business sidelines as he finds it interesting, but he always wants me to be involved as well. I’d much prefer to just concentrate on my main job and keep my personal life/career separate.

My dh is someone who always liked to have a side hustle as he was easily bored and very entrepreneurial. In the beginning it was a novelty but with dc got too much for me. This was even before it got to the stage l was taking care of elderly parents. I had to make it very clear that l was completely out of these projects as my head could only cope with so much: my own job and dc and running a home..no other demands.
You are very justified in calling a halt. Maybe say you are taking a complete break while your dm needs you. Can he hire someone part time to do stuff in the business? Can he step up more with the dc/ house if you are tied up? Does your elderly parent have all support possible from other sources? Can your dh do any specific thing for your parent that would ease your pressure? My friends dh cooked each weekend for his mil so carer would have a dinner for her each day..he likes cooking and it was his contribution to the situation. What does he do to help?
It is extremely tough to be caring by yourself so please do not feel guilty if your parent has to go into full time care because even with a larger family and kids at college age it was a big stress when it came to my time to care.

That’s exactly it, @junebirthdaygirl , he likes having side hustles, we don’t make much money from them,, although we potentially could in the long term.

He doesn’t understand that for me, while I want everyone to be happy, including entrepreneurial DH, but I haven’t got the bandwidth to help absolutely everyone at the moment-I feel like a stretched elastic band!

If you don't want to be involved in his side business, that's fair enough.

Tell him you don't have time and energy for it, and he needs to involve someone else (like a family member) or pay someone if he needs assistance.

Or agree to do a limited amount of hours per week on it, but no more. And stick to it.

Just learn to say no like men seem able to do much more easily.

Once you start saying no, or I can't this week, it's surprising how much others can do for themselves.

Thanks all. I had a chat with DH today as we were less busy on a Saturday and explained that I'm feeling stretched and that I just couldn't devote as much time to his businesses as I have previously - but I'm still supportive and hope I can again at some point. He said he understood...but then wanted me to help him with something a couple of hours later. 😂 I was able to do it today, but I think he realizes I'm stressed and he's trying.