Lonely in our relationship

[Bowlfulofjelly]

My partner has said they don’t want to have sex with me, which put into words what I already felt was the case. I think I could accept our sex life is over if I got any physical affection from them on a day to day basis, but they don’t initiate contact, which means if I don’t reach out to touch their shoulder, rub their back, go for a hug, I’d probably make it through a week with no physical contact from them. They love me, I know they do, and I love them, but I’m desperately lonely.

I know we should have a conversation about it, but I’m scared of pushing them further away. It’s an agony I hadn’t thought was possible in a loving marriage.

Nope.

That'll kill you.

Of course, by which I don't mean murdery, but I do think that's too hard to live with. If you crave for touch and affection, even if you could live without the sex, that kind of withdrawal is just horrible and, as you say, so lonely. Don't try to live that way.

What was the reason for not wanting to have sex with you?

You're going to have to be brave OP and initiate that conversation. Your partner owes it to you to be honest. It may be there's an issue that can be sorted out if you know what you're dealing with. This will batter you emotionally if you sweep it under the carpet.

I’ve recently been through this myself . My now ex was sleeping on the sofa every night , sex stopped and no intimacy which was the hardest part . I felt lonlier in my relationship than I do single now .
I would go to him for a cuddle and he would tell me to hurry up and push me away after a second . It’s battered my self esteem . The rejection from sex , him not wanting me it has knocked my confidence .

It created problems elsewhere too . We was arguing a lot , I was going and staying elsewhere coz I couldn’t stand being around him knowing he was rejecting me so much .

I ended up cheating with someone I slept with in my past . I felt even worse then . I knew it was time to walk away .
sexless relationships can only work I think if you both want them to work and if the intimacy outside the bedroom is intact . Communication is key here you need to talk to your partner and keep talking .

Just not interested. They’ve acknowledged it might be medical, whether that’s hormonal or linked to depression, but they’ve not gone to a doctor in all this time - I think they’re fine with things as they are.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Time to be brave and have a proper conversation about it.

They might be fine with things as they are, but you don’t have to be. Resentment will kick in.
Perhaps they stay for financial stability, or company.

Hi OP,
you have to be honest with them about how you feel and really think whether you can carry on with no physical contact. Even a hug is so important to feel close to someone - they might be ok with the way things are but you don’t have to be. The constant feeling of being rejected must be really hard and you need to think about what makes you happy

Following as I'm in the same situation, married with children. I am a really affectionate person and if I go in for a hug I get pushed away. It's soul destroying. I wish I could change him, we've talked about it, he can't explain why he's being this way. This behaviour creeped in a few years ago, probably slowly until every element of physical touch was removed.

Please try to talk about this. In my first relationship,which came in my 40s- late I know,I ended up.feeling like a sexual predator after a few months,as my partner just wasn't bothered about sex. It was soul destroying. It was onli after he found someone else,totally out of the blue that I reflected on this. In my next relationship I was up front. We had a satisfying sex life that was as often as we both wanted,the intimacy and fun was there too. This was because both of us were able to talk about things. Communication is the key. The indifference may tear you apart. Good luck.

Just a thought,maybe there are health issues. My previous partner was about 8 stone over weight,he then found out he was diabetic. I think it was easier for him.to ignore the issue than confront it. It probably felt safer to him. Good luck