I feel like a bit of a misfit. In many ways I'm confident, chatty, even funny on a good day. I do active hobbies and am in a couple of clubs. I'm the first to the pub at work. But I have very few friends and have periods where I feel desperately lonely.
I've always been fiercely independent and colleagues describe me as a private person. I know I need to make more of an effort to fit in but I just seem to keep making excuses (eg choosing to do a solo weekend trip rather than stay home and do something I'm less enthused about, but that involves others).
It feels like there's an invisible barrier between me and other people - I share the "public" part of me but forming closer bonds with people takes me a long time, even though I crave that closeness. I get crushes on inappropriate people which i guess means I'm lonely but kinda sabotaging. After so long in solitary confinement with lockdown I'm not sure I'm even capable of meaningful social interaction.
I'm bipolar which rules out romantic relationships and means there'll be times I can't face seeing people which doesn't help.
Can anyone identify with this, and if so what did you do about it?