No empathy and no communication

[Kittycatkitty]

Has anyone got a DP/Dh who has zero empathy at all? Who just looks through you when you talk about serious stuff? It's driving me mental.

An example : last night I told DP about a friend's serious illness. I was really upset. All I wanted was a hug and words like 'I'm sorry to hear that hope they are ok" but he just stood there!??!!! And looked at me with this stupid look on his face.
A few mins later He then proceeded to go on about his shitty day at work. Is he for real. It's really getting me down and I just needed a rant.

Just tell him what you need?

I should add that one characteristic of Aspergers is that a person is still able to talk about them self and their problems, convos are actually usually one sided, it’s v.different to narcissism though

@Kittycatkitty

I wouldn't have taken much notice of him complaining of his bad day.

Sometimes my DP like this and something was coming up we had to attend very important to do with my DP.

I was saying something to him and he told me that wasn't important this thing is. So I told him that with his important can't think I did all I can and told him what I said was important. I don't think he liked it but didn't care.

@OnaBegonia agree !

My ex was like this. Totally disinterested in anything to do with me. I was at the start of going through a terrible time which was probably going to be a long journey compounded by being stuck at home by myself during furlough and he was going to work with his mates everyday. His response oh you will get through it. He had plenty of compassionate for himself, family and friends, couldnt be bothered for me.

Do you want to live your life this way? Do you want to put up with this forever?

I said with his important thing I can't think of it too much done all I can now

This is the thing I am Autistic and overly empathetic and sensitive and take things personal. Not all autistic people lack empathy, he definitely isn't like that but I know what you mean as many are also

This.

He's more narcisstic and selfish. it's hard and yes I have told him before it changes nothing. The relationship is ok mainly we have had our ups and downs and theres not much I can do unless I leave which wouldn't be easy and we have children one with autism. It just annoys me and I needed to rant.

Yes I am autistic myself
He definitely isn't

I find it hard to talk about my emotions and show them where as he dosent listen or seem to care and has no empathy. When I was trying to mention my friend the other evening I just wanted him to show he cared and he didn't it was like pulling teeth. It's difficult

If you had a friend telling you this what would you say? What would you want for them? Our life is as good as our closest relationships.

Yes and he's not an exdh.

The straw that broke the camels back was when I started having panic attacks and anxiety attacks, due to this I was put on anti depressants as it really affected me. My dh just didn't talk about it, couldn't talk about it, couldn't empathise either. I was left to deal with it alone. When we split up, he ended up getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and my god didn't we all hear about it. I happily reminded him on how unsupportive he'd been and not to expect any support from me.

I find it hard to talk about my emotions and show them where as he dosent listen or seem to care and has no empathy

perhaps he does too and you need to be clearer about what you expect.

I have no emotional empathy although I have learned to fake it pretty well. I can't put myself in the shoes of someone who has lost a family member or a pet because I wouldn't be upset by losing a family member or a pet.

Yes my dh is on the spectrum and I've literally got to scream at him to notice. It's exhausting and I've reached the end of my rope many times. I feel too invested in our family to leave at the moment but I do feel like a lone parent most of the time.

Remember not all people on the spectrum behave the same way. Some are very sensitive and aware of people, others li e on a different planet and can't come off their planet very easily (u less their wife is at the end of her tether!)