When someone says they don't think they have ever been in love?

[Oopsiedaisyy]

How would you approach a relationship with this person?

Background, they are ASD and admit they have felt pressured with previous partners to say the L word, but had no idea if they were or not.

We had an open conversation about it, and while I do feel I love them now (its been 6 months since we met), I'm not going to say it.

The closest they have said is that they have fallen for me.

Could you have a relationship with someone who can't say the word, or even know if they feel that way?

I'd look at their actions.
Do they treat me in a loving way? Are they affectionate? Considerate? Do we have fun together?
Do I feel loved?

Some people may say they love you and treat you badly. He may not say he loves you but treat you like the most important person on his life.

@IncompleteSenten that is exactly it

"do I feel loved".

Words are just words. I'd wonder what a person's definition of love was if they have never been in love. My teenage years were full of giddy highs of being in love followed by the pits of despair when it broke up.... sometimes only days later.

Not meaning to nitpick but they are autistic, not ASD.

And I think that app is correct - it doesn't matter if they say I love you or not - are they loyal? Do they care about your well-being? Do they make you feel good? Are you happy when you're with them and vice versa?
I think love is a very difficult thing to quantify after knowing someone for 6 months - even for a neurotypical person.

Apologies, I wasn't sure of the correct term. They refer to themselves as autistic though

They also say, quite rightly, that people seem to use the word too freely, so it means little.

I'd wonder what a person's definition of love was if they have never been in love. My teenage years were full of giddy highs of being in love followed by the pits of despair when it broke up.... sometimes only days later

I’d wonder what a persons definition of love was if they could fall in and out of it within a few days.

Yes, that's not love. It's teenage hormones and drama.

God. I wouldn't go through that shit again if you paid me my weight in gold!

How would you approach a relationship with this person?

I wouldn't. Their emotional language and mine would be too entirely different to be compatible.

Could you have a relationship with someone who can't say the word, or even know if they feel that way?

No.

Wow,@Oopsiedaisyy this is so scarily similar to me and my ex.

They were also autistic. They told me they didn't know if they'd ever been in love, despite having being previously married for a over 20 years and told me they'd "fallen for me."

I'm not someone who needs constant words of affirmation but went on their actions, fidelity and honesty. I also went on how he treated his friends, family and in particular their part in breakdowns of previous relationships. But something felt off.....

I chose not to say "I love you" even though I did. I agree, the word love is thrown around too easily. Sadly, it all went tits up, with their reasoning of "I don't feel how I should be feeling...". This was very confusing and did not match up to their actions.

My ex then went on to tell their next partner they loved them after a few weeks. It didn't last. I discovered my ex was a serial cheat and not the nice guy he portrayed. The damage caused was unimaginable. (The story is way too long)

I still believe it's not all about words but actions and consistency are key. Only you know if it feels right.

I have everything crossed for you. ❤️

DH and I don't really tell each other we love each other. Perhaps we did a bit when we were in the first months of our relationship but soppy words aren't really our thing.

What we do, do though is have fun together, look after each other and generally get along pretty well.

The previous poster who said "do you feel loved" is spot on. Actions speak much louder than words.

So... Small update.

Lying in bed this morning and he says it, that he loves me. Has thought it for some time. As had I tbh, so I said it back.

I am glad, I didnt want to be with someone who didn't feel as much for me as I did them.

Aww that’s lovely OP.