I am desperate for advice, please help!

[lchm]

Original post:

I slept my dd's dad - we aren't together and it was REALLY stupid as we've had a lot of issues and I can't actually stand him! I took the morning after pill and it's failed....

What do I do?

I have a mortgage on my own, I work from home full time - how would I cope?

Do I go ahead with this pregnancy?

I have wanted another baby for so long, (I'm 34) and panic I won't meet the right one - although he is DEF NOT the right one!!!

Argh, I'm so stuck - why was I so stupid?

HONESTLY I AM SO CONFUSED AND MY ANXIETY IS THROUGH THE ROOF!

I want another sibling for my dd but this just does not feel right! For reasons I won't go into I don't feel comfortable leaving a baby with him! Plus I want to fall in love and do it the right way this will set me so many steps back!

I'm 34.... is there even time to wait until it feels right?

Am I selfish for even thinking about not going ahead?

What would you do!!

Plus points, your children would have the same father. You know how he'll behave as a father.
However, if you don't want the baby then don't go ahead with the pregnancy.

I would talk this through with a specialist from a neutral service. You need to understand all your options. Have you spoken to your ex about it?

I'm 34.... is there even time to wait until it feels right?

At 34, with no known fertility issues, yes.

All the other factors .... As the poster says above, maybe someone could he'll talk you through it.

I don't think wanting a baby gives baby gives us the right to being one into a volatile situation. Do you?

I think also, if your gut is screaming at you not to do this, you should listen to it.

*bring one

I'm very torn - and the reason I'm torn is because of who the father is! Is it right to bring a child into this situation? But then equally is it right to take it away because I was so careless!!! (Btw I am literally 3 week)

You wouldn't be "taking away" anything though (I assume you mean taking the chance of a sibling away from your DD?) - you can't take something away before it exists.

The chance of a sibling is still there, with the RIGHT co-parent, or going solo, at another time.

To have a baby with a man who you don't even trust to look after the child alone is tying yourself to him for the next 18 years minimum, and it would surely be incredibly confusing for your DD?

Nobody here can tell you what to do, nobody has a crystal ball. It doesn't sound like you want to be pregnant (otherwise you wouldn't have taken the MAP) but I would say that you must make the decision based on what's right for YOU not on feelings of wanting to provide a sibling for DD.

... honestly I don't know why I get myself into these situations. I have a consultation on Saturday and I am hoping they will offer some advice or atleast make me realise what I really want to do about this.

I was about to say life really knows how to test is doesn't it... but this is all my own doing!

** test us

Have it. It’s there now. I’ve had several miscarriages and lost a baby. I’m your age. Just have it. Life is for muddling through, not planning. Anyway, you can’t plan. It’s happened! If baby is less than 18 months you should have full custody and perhaps having the two together is better than leaving one with him? But if you’re concerned about him, I’d look to see if you can find some help to get full custody. Plenty of women bring up brilliant kids in poverty. Including every woman in my family tree going back generations! All sorts of lovely and wonderful people brought up by single mums. Try to block out the sound of him in your life. I don’t regret any one of my lost babies. I love them so much. You won’t regret this baby either.

Also coming from my position maybe wait to worry. Losing a baby is very common sadly.

Your decision but I would not have the baby in your situation
And keep away from this man

Your gut instinct says that it doesn't feel right, so don't do it. Always trust that.
It's ok to have an abortion, but please make sure that you do it for the best reasons. You still have a few weeks to decide. Don't rush into a decision.

OP if you're in the UK I've heard BPAS are really helpful with counselling. Doesn't mean you have to go ahead with an abortion but you'll be able to talk through your options with someone neutral.

This is such a horrible feeling...

Overwhelming should I say x

Morning after pill, and don't go near him again while ovulating! You won't be able to resist...

I don't think its helpful to ask what other people would do. It's a deeply personal decision that can't possibly be guided by anyone who isn't you.
Even with the best of intentions people will project on to you their own priorities and see the decision through the lens of their own lives, which are irrelevant to you.
You know what having a baby is like, the good bits and the challenges. Does the first make up for the second?
You know the facts about fertility and women's age. Are you comfortable with the risks there?
Unless a woman is pregnant intentionally, it often won't feel 'right' or straightforward. Its a shock, and you need to take your time and properly weigh up the pros and cons.
I think impartial counselling is a good Idea as you will be encouraged to make your own decision rather than be advised down one path or another.

Don’t rush into making any decisions. You don’t have to decide today. Speak to a counsellor or therapist, you need someone impartial to explore this further with.

... he isn't even talking to me - told me to stay away (he's having one of his weird stops because apparently I've been different. He doesn't know I'm pregnant). I just don't think I can do this on my own. Not that I don't want too but it all feels too much. Oh, he's also been message loads of women on his FB (nothing changes) - please be brutal, I can take it... WTF do I do?

if its affordable have the baby, you dont need the father if he isnt the right man to help raise the child, many females raise a child alone and are amazing.

I would terminate. He’s not the right father for your child and having an unplanned child is not the right thing for you.

I'm afraid I would 100% not have another baby with him.

Have a termination and don’t take stupid risks with unsuitable men