Trying to leave

[ChristmasTunesAlready]

Hi All

I posted a thread under a different username a while back detailing my lightbulb moment of realising I was subject to domestic abuse (verbal, emotional and gaslighting). I asked MN to delete the thread as I was feeling judged by some of the later comments. No lie, I'm judging myself now for making the decision I made. I'd rather not focus on that right now.
I left with my DD (9 months at the time) and stayed in women's aid refuge for 2 weeks. Long story cut short, I decided to return to my H...for a while things were fine. We decided to rebuild our relationship and he was working on himself after realising what he'd been doing to me (he's still working on these things) and I'm working on building my own confidence etc...
However, it's been over a month since I've come back. I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship with him anymore and I'm seeing some of his old behaviours seeping through.
I've said to him 2 or 3 times since I came back that I want us to separate and that I'd rather be a single mum (with support from an amazing family and support network on both his side and mine). Each time I've said this, he's talked me back into staying with him, wanting to work on things. Looking back, he's just thinking of himself saying things like "This isn't fair!" and "Why would you want to be a single mum if you don't have to!" I tell him straightforward that I'm just not happy in this marriage anymore and I'm met with "What can I do to make you happy?" I tell him that I want him to respect me enough to make this decision for myself.
Unfortunately, it's clear that I'm not going to get anywhere talking to him, so I'm going to have to leave behind his back (again!)
I'm getting counselling from Relate Scotland, am back in contact with Women's Aid and my mum is fully aware of the situation and has offered for me and DD to stay there when I do leave. However, I'm just as terrified as I was when I was planning to leave last time. I also want to give his family a heads up as they've been so supportive and even pledged their ongoing support when I left last time.

I know, I made the biggest mistake in going back to him and I feel like a bloody fool, but I just want out. I want to live a life with my beautiful and amazing DD without him there. As much as I still love and care about my H, I don't feel the same attraction to him as I used to. We had a lovely date day/night together over the weekend while DD was at her auntie's, but returning back to everyday life...I hate it.

See the least of him possible.

Make it clear to the solicitor that it took several attempts to leave him.

That he was controlling and abusive.

He has no dish to work and is very angry that his permanent retirement plan..AKA you, has left him.

Tell how nasty he is and how afraid you are of meeting him because of his anger.

Do not imply in any way that you do not need this income.
You have a long road with your child ahead, bank any extra money for her future.
Music lessons etc are expecting. Start saving for her future.

You are being used for rent.
You need to get out of that tenancy.
Leaving an abusive relationship may help you get out of it.

Jeez! I've been out for nearly 3 months now and the control is still there! I still have access to the Ring camera we use for our DD's monitor so can see when ex is putting her to bed etc. He said a couple of weeks ago when he had her that she gave him a really sad look that she couldn't hear my voice saying goodnight or whatever, so has asked me to check the Ring camera on the nights he has her to say goodnight to her. Last night, I didn't check in to say goodnight, but was able to see she was fast asleep in her cot so thought she'd gone down well, all was fine, no need for me to check in. I get a text from ex saying:
"You didn't say goodnight to our daughter tonight. DD is asleep now. x"
He was also on the phone to me while I was having dinner with my mum saying he couldn't find her eczema cream implying that I'd forgotten to put it in her changing bag at handover. It was, in fact, right there where I'd put it (there wasn't much else in the bag anyway, so no idea how he missed it) and he just said "Oh, couldn't see it for looking at it!" then asked me if I'd put in a repeat prescription for it because he told me a couple of weeks ago she was needing more...bearing in mind, he lives a stones throw away from the health centre, so is more than capable of putting a repeat prescription in (he also has the cream to hand, so knows the details to order it), whereas I'm working full time so don't always have the time to do things like that - I'm now having to go to the health centre after work to order the repeat prescription.
Also, he said I 'snipped' at him when he called (err, yeah, I did because there was NO NEED to call me when you just needed to look in the changing bag) and he's worried that because I talk to him like that, I don't want us to be friends anymore. The last text he sent was "Just want friendship back and that will help me move on with my life. x"
Yeah, it might help YOU move on with your life, but it sure as hell ain't gonna help me!