I need some perspective on my situation. Firstly, abit of background - Me and my partner have been in a relationship since 2005, i was 15 and he was 19. All was ok as far as i know, until around the time we purchased our first home in 2015. Just before the sale was completed i found out he had been texting another woman. I called him out after gaining access to his phone and seeing messages and pictures, which included topless photos. He assured me there was nothing more to it than texting and admitted he had enjoyed the attention. So i gave him the benefit of the doubt and went ahead with the house purchase. Shortly after moving in, a close friend passed away which triggered a binge drinking problem. Previous he never drank much. We have had many, many instances of drinking episodes some of which have resulted in my partner drinking at work and missing work. Cocaine use has also been an ongoing factor which normally goes hand in hand with the drinking. His behaviour and attitude towards me has completed changed, it has been volatile too at times. Household items have been smashed and broken and i have also been manhandled on occasion. We now have 2 children. He was drunk while i was in labour with the first baby and spent lots of time drinking etc once me and baby had come home. I got no help with night feeds, nappy changes or anything really. When baby was 1 i found out that while on a night out he had arranged to spend the night with an “escort” and had been texting a barmaid. I contacted the escort and persuaded her to tell me the details -she assured me nothing other than talking happened. I gave him an ultimatum at this point and he did make somewhat of an effort to change for a while, during in which time i found myself pregnant while baby 2. The binge drinking etc frequency became less although when it did happen it became days at a time - sometimes Friday night to Monday morning. Barely any contact with me at all during these periods, i had no idea where he was etc. I would then get chastised for asking questions when he finally came home. Baby 2 arrived and much the same situation as the 1st, no help and always out. Although the drinking was less the relationship was not in anyway better. We never slept together for around 8 months after 2nd baby as i just couldn’t really stand him tbh. He never buys anything for the children, food, clothes, gifts - nothing. Barley spends an time with them and will only have 1 on his own at a time when he does (usually the older one). Drinking and socialising are his current priority. I am literally left to manage a job, 2 children under 3, a household and the finances with a weekly contribution of around £200 from him. He has a better paid job than me, yet never has any money and frequently asks me to borrow him money. He refuses to change his life style he now chooses to have and tells me he enjoys drinking and wont be controlled by me. I am always belittled and disregard if I complain/ask for help - the answer i get is “well you wanted kids”. Recently he has started taking more pride in his appearance, buying himself new clothes, aftershaves, sunglasses etc so I suspect he is once again hes talking to other women or having an affair. He takes his phone everywhere with him so not really an opportunity to check that and I don’t know the password now either. I am very aware the relationship is a massive mess and isn’t healthy, but i dont know where to go from here, or what to do for the best in regards to the children and myself. My mental health has been all over the place and although I didn’t seek medical help, I'm fairly sure i have gone through post natal depression and depression throughout this last 5 years. I have also recently asked him to move out but realistically thats not an option as he has no money to afford a house, so im stuck! And dont know what to do.