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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Something is off with my husband

12 replies

Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 07:46

We have been married 11 years, together 15. Dh had a long term relationship before me but we have never really discussed previous partners. We have a 3 year old and a 6 month old.

When I was pregnant with the 6 month old, DH seemed odd. A bit distant but he goes like this from time to time when he has deadlines coming up in work so I don't pay too much attention. One night during pregnancy, I woke up and he was texting someone and there was something about the way he turned over quickly in bed that made me think something was off. Like he didn't want me to see his phone. It happened another night and I thought that I could see a nick name version of his ex girlfriend's name in his list of chats. So say her name is Martina, I thought I saw the name 'Tina' but I was blurry eyed as it was 3am and thought I was overreacting over nothing.

I forgot about it and decided not to stress out as i can get paranoid in pregnancy even though DH has never given me any reason to be. By paranoid I mean that I get very sensitive and think nobody likes me, people are talking about me etc. I'm not like this when not pregnant.

The thought has crossed my mind fron time to time but otherwise I've had nothing to go on and so have let it go. Besides, she lives in another country and has done for some time.

This morning before he went to work, he was sitting looking very pensive. I asked what was up as he seemed so deep in thought. For some reason, I immediately thought 'he is thinking about Martina'.

He kind of shrugged it off then got up to go and started talking about a work thing. For context, one of his colleagues is called, say, Maxine.He said 'Martina, I mean, Maxine, asked if I want to do her overtime in a few weeks.' I acted like I hadn't noticed but it definitely got my heckles up.

A few days ago, I asked him to take a picture of me and the baby as he was doing something really cute. When I went to look at the photo, the next picture in the gallery was locked. What does that even mean? I never even knew you could lock photos. He had been taking other pictures of us before this photo and I doubt he had time to lock that specific photo. What is that about? Does he have some kind of setting to lock photos from a certain person, is that a thing??

I haven't asked him anything about anything. I don't know why. I always feel so shocked that I clam up and try to gloss over it. I've never had any reason to doubt him before but I have hunch that he is in contact with an ex and has been for a while. I don't have a jealous personality and have never suspected any partner of cheating in the past. I'm not insecure and never snoop through his phone etc.

I don't know what exactly I want from posting this. I just have a feeling that something is weird but strongly suspect if I bring him 'just a hunch' he won't be honest with me, if something is up.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 10/11/2022 07:51

The next picture was locked as he hadn't unlocked it to take the picture of you. I wouldn't read anything into that.

Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 07:54

He and I have the same phone and my pictures are never locked. I'd never seen that before.

OP posts:
Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 07:57

OK I just figured the locked picture thing 9ut. One mystery solved haha.

OP posts:
kimberlyjan · 10/11/2022 10:34

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NatalieIsFreezing · 10/11/2022 10:37

Isn't a locked photo one you don't want to accidentally delete?

AdamRyan · 10/11/2022 10:41

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Yeah don't do this it's illegal 😂

Winceybincey · 10/11/2022 10:58

Could it be because he accessed his camera whilst the lock screen is on? Usually when you take pictures that way you only have access to to what was taken at that time and all other photos are unavailable to view.

but you still have suspicions from other strange behaviour. You have a hunch that you haven’t had before and as women, we have a really good intuition that is rarely wrong. This will eat you up until you get to the bottom of it but I wouldn’t point blank ask him as the most likely response will be nothing is going on, you’re paranoid etc.

just keep your wits about you, side eye his phone when he’s on it, check it if you ever get chance. It’s really odd that when you asked what he was thinking about, he ‘accidentally’ mentioned his ex’ from 15 years ago name.

Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 11:12

Winceybincey · 10/11/2022 10:58

Could it be because he accessed his camera whilst the lock screen is on? Usually when you take pictures that way you only have access to to what was taken at that time and all other photos are unavailable to view.

but you still have suspicions from other strange behaviour. You have a hunch that you haven’t had before and as women, we have a really good intuition that is rarely wrong. This will eat you up until you get to the bottom of it but I wouldn’t point blank ask him as the most likely response will be nothing is going on, you’re paranoid etc.

just keep your wits about you, side eye his phone when he’s on it, check it if you ever get chance. It’s really odd that when you asked what he was thinking about, he ‘accidentally’ mentioned his ex’ from 15 years ago name.

I figured out the phone thing and that makes sense. I do have suspicions, however in the past I have been completely convinced about certain things (not DH related, just generally) that have turned out to be a series of coincidences that painted a very convincing picture, so I am going to tread very lightly here. I’ve basically added 2 and 2 together before, and got 5. So I am going to be restrained and do what you said.

OP posts:
Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 14:25

Does anyone else think this is dodgy or does this sound like misplaced paranoia?

OP posts:
Opaljewel · 10/11/2022 14:30

I would keep your peace for now and keep an eye out. I know they say don't snoop but sometimes you never know for sure until you do.

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/11/2022 14:54

Texting in the middle of the night is suspicious, IMO. Did he ever say who he was texting?

Suspectingsomething · 10/11/2022 15:11

No I never asked. For us, texting in the middle of the night is normal. We have family and friends in different timezones all over the world. Husband often has insomnia so it's normal for him to sometimes be texting at night and I do the same if I wake up in the night. That in itself isn't an issue. It was the swift movement of the phone and then the other time when I thought I saw a version of his ex's name but didn't know if I was seeing things as I was tired and the phone was about a metre away from me

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