Not included in invitation

[Thistledew]

DH tells me today that he has arranged to go to the annual alumni dinner for the school that we both attended.

I’m not sure that I would want/be able to go, as I’m still breastfeeding DD at night so making arrangements to leave her for an event that is likely to go on until the small hours is tricky.

But the fact that he didn’t ask me, or even mention that he was thinking of it until after plans were made, really stings. It feels like he gave no thought to me coming too- it wasn’t even something he considered. Ouch.

Yep it’s selfish. Just thinking of himself. Should have asked at least

If you both went to the school, then why didn't you get an invitation?

Is it for his school year? Are partners invited too? My old school did something similar and it was without partners, university ones usually with parters

Won’t you get your own invite?

Is this unusual behavior from him?

is he going with a group of friends? Dh and I went to the same uni but different courses, if I were going with friends it wouldn’t be forgetting he went there too, it would be going out with a friendship group he isn’t in.
how about you say oh ok if it’s fun I might go next year with a couple of friends while you parent the little one.

Why didn't you ask him why he didn't ask you if you wanted to go?

Just to clarify - the event is open to any former pupils and partners are invited too. I am unhappy that he has made arrangements with friends without even speaking with me about it first.

I will talk to him. I’m just mentally girding myself for another conversation about how I and the children just seem to be an inconvenient periphery in his life.

@Thistledew I will talk to him. I’m just mentally girding myself for another conversation about how I and the children just seem to be an inconvenient periphery in his life.

This sounds grim. Doesn't sound like a caring attitude at all. Sorry to hear this.

So I spoke to him. He was apologetic and accepted that it was hurtful that he hadn’t spoken to me about it. He said that he had realised already that he should have spoken to me first (but hadn’t thought to speak to me about it before I raised it).

I don’t think in the slightest that he did it in any malicious way. It just makes me sad that when his friend suggested going to the event, he didn’t immediately think “I wonder if Thistledew would like to come too”.

I think that there are a lot of negative behaviours in a relationship that it is possible to fix, but indifference, lack of interest is harder to rebuild from.

Is this a pattern of behaviour then?