He's married, isn't he?

[OLDanonymous]

So I'm new to this Online dating world. A few months out of a long marriage following infidelity (on my husbands side) and going through the divorce.

Bolstered by my friends and some wine I set up an online dating profile a couple of weeks ago.

Immediately clicked with a guy, we chat via WhatsApp everyday. He's funny, engaging and always very interested in me. He's shared pics of his children with me and talks about his work etc...

I don't know what it is but the last few days I have wondered if he could be hiding something. Nothing specific but I notice messages often come in a flurry or it's very quiet and brief.

He's asked to meet me a couple of times but I have had a lot on so have had to say no but would love to next week. He said he's happy to wait.

Tonight we arranged to speak on the phone. I messaged him to say "im free when you are" and he messaged back to say he was on the phone to his best mate and it wasn't likely to be a quick call as it was a "deep" chat...

Said he's gutted as he's waited what feels like forever to hear my voice.

For reference he also mentioned he was with his best mate for dinner last night, so seems a bit strange to be on a long call now, but that's not my business I guess.

My STBXH cheated on me and also used online dating sites to meet women so my hackles are up. But these red flags are truly here aren't they?

What the fuck?

@DavidEvansUK
Quick pump and dump.
That's gross.

Fuck me

@DavidEvansUK seriously‽ I think I’d be keeping those male point of views to yourself.

You're enough to put me off men for life, David!

David Evans and Im Sooi Lean are together

Maybe back off, get busy yourself and don't pin your hopes on this one. Certainly a few possible red flags there.

But you have not even spoken yet. Let him do the running and see whether he comes back. But be prepared to move on.

Just ask him?

@MrsSkylerWhite I had thought that as I hate the idea of just blocking someone... but then I wonder whether I'll even get the truth anyway? And whether he thinks he owes me any explanation as we are basically just messaging at the moment!

How long have you been messaging him out of interest? I'd do nothing. If he texts you then suggest you meet for coffee face to face. You can't continue to text a complete stranger forever and once you meet you'll be able to see what he's like for real.
See what he says.

@CoQ10 it's been a couple of weeks and he has suggested him heading over to where I am and meeting up, but I just haven't had the childcare or the spare time to be able to agree to anything (was honest about this from the offset) and he said he was fine and happy to keep talking until my circumstances got a little better in the next couple of weeks.

He just tried to call me, but I was getting ready for bed and missed it.

Treat it like a maybe and speak to others. Hes maybe married. Maybe has a gf. Maybe sleeping with other people. Maybe single.and talking to his mate. Its anyones guess go at a speed you're comfortable with, find things out and make decisions with wise head on. I hate flakiness tho, total no from me whatever the reason

Please, please trust your gut feelings about him.
Please be very careful if you are going to do online dating and whatever you do, don' t tell them where you live. You have no idea who these men are.

Why would a random man on OLD share photos of his children with someone he hasn't even met?!

@Goatbilly I genuinely think they think it makes them more appealing. Like the Athena poster 😂

The waited ages to hear your voice comment is an odd thing to say to a stranger. The rearranging of a phone call wouldn't be suss to me but the blocking is. I know a lot of guys who block people temporarily whilst they are with others so messages don't ping up. So I would find that suspicious. My view is things like this are cropping up before even meeting just move on. Not worth the hassle.

Beware matchmaking friends!

IME quite a lot of married/coupled women really don't like it when their friends become single. Especially the ones who are in miserable relationships with useless gits. They either drift away, or rush to hook you up with someone. I'm not sure what their motivation is, but it's definitely not for your benefit!

Call back?

It seems to me that you don't trust men, it's possible that he has a wife, but I'm not sure about this. Maybe he's just a kind and open person to his friends.

I think you should forget the phone call and meet for a coffee.

you will get more details that way! You’ll waste time messaging and talking on phone… because you may not like them in real life.

you’re new to OLD and my advise is to go on lots of dates, have high expectations and low rejection/ditching mechanism

look out for red flags and trust your gut instincts…

OLD rules, taken from a popular, long running thread on Mumsnet. You might want to join as there is lots of good advice around navigating the minefield that it is:

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Showing you photos of his children is a huge no no.

Is he using his children to attract motherly women?

Is he seeking access to women who have children?