Having a weak day 20 months after breakup

[Teatimes2]

I'm 20 months out of a five year relationship, which he ended coldly and callously and discarded me like a piece of dirt. It took me a good year to get over it and have been feeling more like myself and stronger in general the last few months. However, today I'm feeling down, teary and thinking about the breakup and how it all ended, even though I'd never consider going back there. We've had no contact so I don't know where this has come from. Is this normal?

Sorry that you're feeling low today and that you were treated poorly. Has something happened to trigger this feeling?

I mean has something happened today to trigger this? Have you generally been feeling ok recently?

Yeah course it's nornal. The split was traumatic, you will have flashbacks. A 5 year relationship is quite substantial too. Accept it feel it, let it pass. Hugs xxx

Nothing in particular set me off. Have been feeling fairly stable lately and have done a lot of work on myself to get over it.

Sending sympathy and hugs, OP. Sometimes these things leap up and bite you for no apparent reason. Maybe you're going through a difficult patch, maybe you heard or saw something that subliminally reminded you of the good times, maybe you're feeling a bit tired or down because winter is coming on.

Remember that no matter how loving he seemed, he treated you like shit when he no longer needed you. He was not the loving partner he let you imagine. You are better off without a man who could do that to you or to anyone.

Organise yourself some treats. Catch up with friends, do fun things, get outdoors and enjoy winter sunshine. You've got this far and made a lot of progress. You can do it.

Thanks for your lovely post. Just a bit disappointed in myself for feeling like this after so long.

Please don't be disappointed in yourself, you're human with feelings. You need to be kind to yourself and this will pass. It's just processing emotions and you will feel even stronger when it moves.

Thank you. There were a lot of red flags I didn't see in this relationship at the time, but can see now, so I've leaned something anyway.

Oh, OP, you’re just feeling down. It’s completely normal. And he sounds like he was awful to you, so that’s got to make you feel worse. I read about trauma bonding recently and it opened my eyes to how I was with an ex. He always told me how lovely he was and then was cold, and I would try to be extra loving to make it right. You start to make a little space in your mind for them, where you are always thinking about them - because they are so volatile.

not saying that’s what’s happening here but… I think it’s normal to feel low whatever is going on in life, from time to time, and I hope you feel better soon.

I think sometimes when you reach a place of strength it's like your brain knows - and it releases some of the stuff it locked up a while ago to protect you. Cos now you can deal with it.

Well mine does that to me. And never at a convenient moment! I'm just going through it again. Doesn't stopping me feeling the low but I know from last time it won't last and I'll benefit from doing some reflection and processing.

Crap and painful while it lasts tho but you will feel stronger in a bit

I think it's normal to have wobbles like this even years down the line.

Treat it like an illness.
Theres a step back every now and again, but ultimately you are recovering.

I've just realised I think it's because Christmas is approaching, even though it's my second without him, all the Christmas ads making me a bit nostalgic.