Partner sending selfies ?

[anxiousweewill]

Things aren't great between my partner and me at the moment. We have children from previous relationships and one together.

I feel like he's very cold and distant and we spoke this morning regarding this. It turns into a bit of a heated argument.

Meanwhile, I had a look at his messages because I saw him texting a girl yesterday. I know this is awful, I have trust issues I know. I haven't had a great track record with men and also my dad, mum and brother have all had affairs so I am just very sensitive to this.

The girl is someone he used to work with. They had planned to meet this week for a drink to talk work. Okay fine.

The thing that has upset me is that he's sent a picture of himself to her, on the tube saying 'on the tube' and she's love hearted it and then sent lots of love hearts.

I asked him what his plans were today and he gave me a detailed plan of the meetings etc but didn't mention he was meeting with this old colleague.

Am I over reacting? Or is this crossing a line? Sometimes I just need someone to talk some sense into me!

Thank you xx

Or there's the 'you're only human' approach which is less head in the clouds

@booboo24 You think that it's 'head in the clouds' to leave a partner because you don't trust what they tell you, and you're giving relationship advice. Real-world healthy relationships involve trust and communication. If they don't, they're not healthy. No professional relationship advisor would ever advise what you advised. Not because it's morally wrong, but because needing to do it demonstrates that you have poor self respect, and that needs dealing with before anything else. A decent level of self respect would insist that if you don't feel safe, you leave. That's not 'head in the clouds', that's self preservation and putting yourself first.

@Watchkeys The op wasn't asking for 'professional advice' though, she was asking for our advice collectively based on our own life experiences. I doubt you're qualified to speak on any of our behalves, nor are you in a positiion to tell any of us we are wrong- you can say you think we are wrong, but it doesn't make you right. The op can decide for herself which route she takes I'm sure

Sure thing, @booboo24 : I think you're very wrong and offering very unhealthy advice. If you think that my 'if you can't trust and communicate with your partner, you have an unhealthy relationship' is wrong, that's up to you, and you're within your rights to say so. As you say, OP will decide for herself, and we're all allowed to post our opinions on her situation, and on PPs comments.

You're essentially posting say I'm wrong to post to say you're wrong. Ironic and clueless posting. In my opinion (obviously).

So he didn't meet her in the end due to being busy with meetings etc. no further messages. I think I'm reading into things and being sensitive tbh. I know I shouldn't snoop. I know it's not healthy. I don't know why I do it tbh.

@booboo24

Ah, personal insults. Shame you've felt the need, but there we go. No skin off my nose.

Have a good afternoon.

@anxiousweewill I hope you find some answers with this, or at the least he tells you about the arrangements and them being cancelled.

I don't say if I'm meeting someone during the day everytime, not because I'm hiding anything but because sometimes it doesn't come up in conversation until later on in the day. I think it would worry me slightly if he didn't bring it up, and like I tried to say above, I'd certainly keep an eye. Yes you shouldn't have snooped, but you have and now you can't unsee the arrangements. I personally would leave it be for now and just keep a bit of an eye on things

You do it because you don't feel safe, don't you? Due to him being cold and distant? And then arguing with you when you try to talk to him about it? And then you blame yourself for having 'trust issues', but why would you trust someone who clearly doesn't have your feelings at heart?

Try sending a selfie to her from his phone and ask her if she'll give you love hearts

@anxiousweewill, I’m concerned that he’s been ‘very cold and distant’ and your speaking to him about this turned into an argument. Can you elaborate about his distance? What was his response to your bringing this up?

Other questions: How long has this coldness been going on? Has it coincided with any changes in his life or your lives together?

I would feel unsettled if my H was suddenly distant with me, dismissed my feelings of concern, was sending selfies to another woman who responded with lots of hearts, and intentionally didn’t mention his plans to to meet up with her.

How often does he send selfies to you? Also how often does he send them to other friends?
Irrespective of the selfies it's worrying if he's not being open and honest to you about meeting up with her.

Do you send work colleagues selfies and have love hearts in reply? Do you arrange drinks with them then hide it from him? If you did and he found out would you think he was being too sensitive? It’s not acceptable and you know it.