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Original poster

Feel invalidated. AITA?

24 replies

Starsailor82 · 08/11/2022 21:33

I’m feeling a bit invalidated by my DW after a couple of annoyances over the last few days and I’m not sure if I’m just being selfish or what?

So, post Covid my work situation is changing a little. I’ve been home working for the last 6/7 years or so, last year I got a new job (same company, different department). Nothing has changed since then, until recently we’ve been asked to go into the office at least once or twice a week for the foreseeable future. There’s a bit of politics at play, and long story short I’m playing ball to keep the peace at work but will hopefully be able to return to home working full time sometime next year.

Anyway, DW is unhappy with this situation as it will mean we need to sort out someone to take the dog 1 maybe 2 days a week. It’s a bit inconvenient I’ll admit, but given the in laws usually take the dog when we’re away and both are retired it shouldn’t be a problem? It was suggested I should fight to keep my homeworking even if it puts me at a career disadvantage (like I said, lots of politics I’m trying to play the game).

I’m a bit miffed that I’m being viewed as a ‘stay at home dog dad’ despite working full time etc.

Fast forward to tonight, we’ve been invited to a friends after Christmas to stay for a few days. Well we can’t because the in laws are already away and I know this as I was supposed to be visiting a friend during the week but couldn’t go because: nobody was available to look after the dog. Suddenly the SIL is now available to look after the dog so we can go after all.

AITA here? It seems perfectly possible to make accommodations when it suits her - but for me it’s not?

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 08/11/2022 21:45

Source a dog walker. Mine is £20 an hour for 3 dogs, proper walks.

roarfeckingroarr · 08/11/2022 21:47

Yes, you're being unbelievably petty

litlealligator · 08/11/2022 21:50

Expecting your in laws to regularly look after your dog one or two days per week is a much bigger ask than having them occasionally care for the dog when you're on holiday.

OptimisticAmnesiac · 08/11/2022 21:53

Brigante9 · 08/11/2022 21:45

Source a dog walker. Mine is £20 an hour for 3 dogs, proper walks.

Well I had suggested doggy day care, but she’s not up for that and doesn’t want to leave the dog with strangers.

OptimisticAmnesiac · 08/11/2022 21:54

roarfeckingroarr · 08/11/2022 21:47

Yes, you're being unbelievably petty

Fair enough 😊

MerryMarigold · 08/11/2022 22:13

Make some friends who can have the dog every so often. Is the dog a surrogate child for your DW because she sounds a teeny bit precious about it? Also, when does she care for the dog?

RedHelenB · 08/11/2022 22:51

Work cones first, so if inlaws aren't available then look into dogwalkers/ daycare. As to the other scenario, tell her its great that you can now go out with your friends.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 08/11/2022 23:02

Build a secure dog run in your garden with a nice kennel. Stop treating your dog like a human. Stop treating your relatives like serfs. Job done.

Sarahzxcvb · 08/11/2022 23:14

Stop treating your in laws like a doggy day care and pay someone to look after the dogs while you have to work.

maplesaucewithbacon · 08/11/2022 23:27

OP we need more information about who wanted the dog in the first place, what the initial arrangement was, how much dogcare she does and why or why not, whether it was foisted upon you because you happened to work from home, whether there are other mitigating factors. On the face of it, unless it is more you than her who wanted the dog in the first place, you are not being unreasonable. Career is important. It all sounds rather strange.

Why don't people think all these things through properly before they get pets?

What is AITA?

Orders76 · 08/11/2022 23:56

She could be pulling in a big favour for her events. Obviously you might need to do the same for yours

picklemewalnuts · 09/11/2022 00:06

maplesaucewithbacon · 08/11/2022 23:27

OP we need more information about who wanted the dog in the first place, what the initial arrangement was, how much dogcare she does and why or why not, whether it was foisted upon you because you happened to work from home, whether there are other mitigating factors. On the face of it, unless it is more you than her who wanted the dog in the first place, you are not being unreasonable. Career is important. It all sounds rather strange.

Why don't people think all these things through properly before they get pets?

What is AITA?

AITA is American for AIBU.

butterfliedtwo · 09/11/2022 00:11

AITA is American for AIBU.
Thought I'd landed on Reddit for a second.

OP, stop using your in-laws as free dog care.

RainyDaysareCarp · 09/11/2022 00:14

You shouldn't have to get validation from other people.

wackamole · 09/11/2022 00:33

Each person has to make their own decisions about handling corporate culture and routine work issues. If you think it's detrimental to push back about going in to the office, don't. Same logic for families: if your wife isn't comfortable asking her parents to care for the dog, follow her lead on that. (And definitely don't assume they have nothing to do because they're retired!) Doggy daycare's fine (if you can't leave the dog in a run in the yard); an established operation will have trained employees, a safe set-up, and reviews and references.

manova366 · 09/11/2022 01:56

What the hell.
I think I'm missing something, because we both go to work five days a week and the dog is perfectly fine staying at home by herself all day long....

maddy68 · 09/11/2022 06:19

Get a mid day dog walker like every other working family

Or if it's a small dog put a dog flap so it can get into an enclosed garden for a wee

primeoflife · 09/11/2022 06:28

manova366 · 09/11/2022 01:56

What the hell.
I think I'm missing something, because we both go to work five days a week and the dog is perfectly fine staying at home by herself all day long....

Depends what hours you work surely. I leave at 730 and don't get home until

  1. That's too long to leave a dog!!
Ekátn · 09/11/2022 06:44

I don’t understand the comparison of the 2 situations.

DW doesn’t want to ask her parents to have the dog 2 days a week regularly, in which case doggy day care/dog walker.

Sil is available so you can go on a trip and sil is happy to accommodate. Completely different to asking someone to do regular dog care multiple times a week.

I have 2 dogs. My dad would have them as a one off. He wouldn’t do regular days. I will look after my friends 2 for a few days, but wouldn’t commit to a couple of days a week.

Seems you are both making a fuss over nothing and there’s plenty of options

Fireballxl5 · 09/11/2022 06:49

I do find it bizarre that your dw puts the dogs in front of your work which presumably helps to pay the bills.
Just say no. You’re going into work and the dogs need a sitter, they are not babies.

The trip is totally different, forget it.

MakingNBaking · 09/11/2022 07:04

It's a big old fuss over what might be a temporary once a week event. And it's all directed at your Dow's side - sure you're not harbouring some other resentment there.
Maybe SIL is off work that week which makes her available, so count her out as a red herring.
Isn't there someone local who does pop-ins to possibly lonely dogs? I have a local person who does half an hour playing in the garden for £12.

OrlandointheWilderness · 09/11/2022 07:05

Why is it your sole responsibility to look
After the dog? I would be pretty miffed too if my DP wasn't on board with trying to find a solution with me.

girlmom21 · 09/11/2022 07:25

What does DW do? How far from home do you both work?

Dog walker is the obvious solution. The in laws are not.

Naunet · 09/11/2022 08:19

It seems like you’re relying on your wife to make arrangements for the dog. Maybe she doesn’t want to ask her parents to do it regularly? Can you not arrange a dog walker yourself?

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