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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How much do you share parenting responsibilities?

35 replies

Sash00 · 08/11/2022 20:44

Im a mum of 3 dc. I do a lot more of the parenting and with a 11 month old really feeling the strain. Returned to work part time 2 months ago and dp is self employed and some weeks gets no work and other weeks he can work 5-6 days. How much does your dp help out? He's very old fashioned and he does bare minimum with dc. It's causing tension between us and with little one still waking for feeds im running on empty. Does your dp give you time to recharge? He makes me feel like im being lazy for asking for more help and support.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/11/2022 19:21

Love men that are so traditional yet the wife usually still works.

my husband does more than yours, does his bit, I have my me time- and I still know he doesn’t do enough and subconsciously hate him!

JulesCobb · 09/11/2022 21:38

MostlyHappyMummy · 09/11/2022 18:59

I'm surprised nobody has asked what he was like as a parent after the first child?
then they can express surprise that you went on to have 2 more.
for you to then say that they were contraceptive failures
that's usually the script for threads like this

You're right. If is always the womans fault.

BoxOfCats · 10/11/2022 07:34

Other than money, what does he actually add to your life or your children's lives?

Chomolungma · 10/11/2022 07:39

So on the weeks when he has hardly any work, he watches while you run around doing everything? he is not a kind man, OP. You need to have a proper discussion about him pulling his weight. Would he consider counselling so that you can have the discussion with a neutral person present?

dottyrobin · 10/11/2022 07:40

I find it really sad when men choose to take no interest in their child's lives.

ping78 · 10/11/2022 07:42

I very much doubt he's ever going to change, if he didn't after the first, he certainly won't after the 3rd, I'm not sure what you were expecting?

ping78 · 10/11/2022 07:44

@MostlyHappyMummy I covered that not to blame but to manage expectations. I don't think men like him ever change, so it's a case of deciding what you want for your life. You can only control your own actions.

Simonjt · 10/11/2022 07:57

Fairly equal, we shared our adoption leave, so obviously the person on adoption leave does more temporarily as they aren’t working. We’ve changed our work so we’re both part time, we’ve managed to do it so we both have a day off on our own and one off together, so we both get a day to ourselves with our daughter and one where we can ‘share’ her, or have a day to ourselves it we’re organised enough to arrange childcare.

OhCobblers · 10/11/2022 08:52

Sash00 · 08/11/2022 21:08

I feel he values himself and his time more than me and dc. I get he's tired and his work is physically demanding. When he gets home, he's straight in the bath, eats and that's him done. When i get home, children are my responsibility straight away. And I don't mind that for the most of it, ive been at work and missed them so want to hear about their day, eat with them, do homework and all the other stuff but some days i just want a bath alone and eat without my baby clinging on my legs. I do all morning school runs and 3 pick ups. And wake up with them every weekend (no lie ins ever, unlike dp who has lie in every weekend). I do all clubs on my own. I don't know what more i can do other than tell him which i have to just be more of a shared partnership. He just makes me feel rubbish that im 'asking for help'.

God what a selfish wanker.
I would go apoplectic at the first hint of this behaviour.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 10/11/2022 09:21

He isn’t old fashioned just lazy. If he were old fashioned you would be married (assume by your use of DP that you aren’t) and you would have the option to be a SAHM.

When I still worked DH and I shared parenting equally, shared night wakings, shared early mornings, shared bedtimes etc. at the weekend we would have one day as a family day and then the other day we split so one of us would have the morning child free and the other the afternoon.

Now DS is older and I don’t work I do slightly more parenting but the moment DH finishes work he takes over. At the weekend it is shared equally. DH loves the time he has with DS and would never want to just give it all to me.

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