will try and keep it simple.
been with dh 10 years, I already had a DS when we met who he treats as his own, we have a dd together. He's a great hands on dad, he does a lot with the kids, comes home from work and bathes them and helps with bedtime, does things with them. I can't fault him that way at all. He works hard to provide for us and is great at his job but he's lazy at home with other things. Both kids have sen, one with quite complex needs and I'm not working currently. He is not financially abusive and lets me spend whatever I need if he have the money, he cooks sometimes and does diy in the house etc so he doesn't sound too bad, right? To the outside world maybe not!
but I do a lot too. Despite not having a job sometimes I don't bloody stop. Like I said both kids have sen, one with very high needs so life isn't all that easy for any of us right now. I do all the food shopping, all the paperwork related to their needs, school etc, I do all the house work, I book appointments, check the calendar, organise dh's shifts, make sure everyone's bags are packed including dh's, drove 8 miles and back to pick up dh's prescription despite that he only works 2 minutes away from the doctors surgery, he forgets his bank card so I take that to his work, book his doctors and dentists appointments etc.
before anyone says we'll just don't do it, if I don't, he won't either. He's fucking useless.
He didn't book his mot in time for his works car despite that I reminded him god knows how many times so he couldn't get in done in time and had to put family car to work leaving me without a car.
I've got to sort birthday and Christmas cards/gifts for his own family because he doesn't do it.
dh does not do a thing around the house. As the 'at home' parent I really don't mind doing all the housework and cleaning but it's the little things..
dh will just come home from work and Chuck his work bag and shoes down on the floor in the middle of the hallway, he will leave used socks on the floor in a ball, he'll leave his clothes on the floor, he's done the dishes about 5 times in the 8 years we've lived together! If he's home and I'm out dishes will be left til I'm home, he leaves them because he knows I'll do it because I hate a sink full of dirty dishes. The day my grandad died I got home from the hospital and the dishes needed doing - dishes don't sound important but dishes in the sink are a trigger for me, I like to get them done.
he's never put laundry on, not once in 8 years.
i do all the food shopping, I'll ask him if he wants anything and he'll say no then moan when I haven't bought something he wants - am I a mind reader? I'll ask if he needs coffee (don't drink it myself), he'll say no and a couple days later he'll be moaning it's all gone.
he doesn't have to worry about a bloody thing at Christmas, I do all the shopping and organising. He needs to be told what to get me - by me!!
I feel undervalued, unloved at times and under appreciated. Last night I really hurt myself in the kitchen and screamed for help and he just carried on in the front room looking at his phone on his stupid game.
I appreciate that he is the bread winner and is great with the kids and I do try and show appreciation to him but I don't get the same back.
me - can't you just put your socks in the wash basket, it only takes 2 seconds.
him - well if it only takes 2 seconds why can't you do it!
argument today over doors because now we are going to start put the heating on he wants to keep every single door shut to keep heat in the rooms because I'm in and out of doors every day pottering around cleaning up after everyone picking up shit off the floor! I do shut doors behind me but sometimes I'm in and out pottering around it's impossible to keep everything shut at all times. All whilst he's off today and sat watching tv all day!