Ending it stuff

[MistySkiesAreGone]

I ended a casual thing with a guy for the better of my emotional wellbeing. Why do I feel so bad about it?! Talk me through how this gets better and what should I do? I've deleted all the stuff. I've had closure.

At the moment I still want to see him in future.

What was he doing to affect your emotional wellbeing? Could it be that you've made the right decision on balance but still miss the good bits when remembered in isolation? Do you mean you want to be friends, or that if you imagine maybe seeing each other again it's easier than thinking 'that's it, he's out of my life'? If he was affecting your wellbeing, do you want that again in future?

He was emotionally unavailable i.e in an open relationship. Defo right decision. Stupidly what I miss is talking to him. I think it could be loneliness.

Being friends isn't an option. Beyond occasional penpals. He said he'd love to hear how I am doing from time to time. I think it's quite hard to imagine never seeing him again at this moment. But I think that will fade - that's what I'm looking for, stories of fading..

So in conclusion...

In principle having a thing with an emotionally unavailable man is bad for me. I know this now. Which is quite helpful for all those potential grey areas going forward in dating.

Would I go back to him? It would reopen everything. We are fundamentally opposite in that he sees it as a good idea, I see it as a bad one. Unless I went back for just physical but it would reopen everything. Thank god I have a lot of will power.

I wonder how long until I stop thinking about him.

It's difficult to move on but I think you need to accept you won't talk or see him again, for your own good. I don't think there is an answer for how long you still think about him, but it makes it easier with acceptance and time and possibly when you meet someone else that you are passionate about and he fades out of your mind.

You're right. I had three messages saved on my phone and I'm going to delete those too. The last ones.

He did say he'd love me to text him time to time and he's allowed to feel that. I don't feel obliged, I feel slightly repulsed at the idea.

He's gone from my phone.

I think I might need to work on those one by one....accepting I won't see him again, then accepting I won't talk to him again.

I've removed temptation but his number is on my phone bill.

I might write a list later why seeing him is a bad idea.

Good luck @MistySkiesAreGone my relationship with an emotional unavailable parter has just ended. I’m still so sad trying to come to terms that we will never see each other again but if it was affecting you negatively (mine was) it’s for the best xx

Good luck to you @Whatacrocof . I don't know if this is just me, part of ending, or part of the psychology of emotionally unavailable relationships but I feel the desire/need/want to tell him everything. As if his approval/opinion is gold dust. I mean I can objectively see it's nonsense, and I do have PMT. I know it's natural if you like someone to wonder what they would think about something, but it's all a bit messed up when the terms of it were always that it was never going anywhere. It sort of feels like going round in circles, continously.

I told my ex everything he tried but then reverted to type quite quickly stating “this is who I am and I’m not going to change”. It’s affected my MH and is so not worth it.