How do I end it

[Allcorts]

I’ve been with DP for near on 10 years. For the last 7 of those it’s become obvious he is nothing but a cocklodger. I earn twice what he does, own the majority of the house, do all of the housework and cleaning and looking after the life admin and I am just bloody tired.
I don’t know what he brings to the table really. I’ve just done a load of washing (he went on a stag do a week ago, came back emptied his bag into the washing basket filled it and it didn’t even cross his mind to actually do it)
He talks about wanting to work part time, but he doesn’t pull his weight now. I just want to scream.
all of this has also made him deeply unattractive to me. I just don’t know how to end it.
I can pay the mortgage on my own and buy him out of his share of the house, but do I kick him out? Do I need to get a valuation on the house? How do I actually make sure he leaves? I don’t want the next 10 years to be more of this, but don’t know how to get out of this. Most of my friends are his friends and I know if I kick him out I’ll look like the bad guy- I just know they don’t see the man I do. They all think his charming and generous buying rounds of drinks, and all I see is him flashing my cash, whilst I work so hard to support him.
I don’t know how to start getting out of this.

I don’t know what he brings to the table really. I’ve just done a load of washing (he went on a stag do a week ago, came back emptied his bag into the washing basket filled it and it didn’t even cross his mind to actually do it)
The thing is OP ... why did it cross YOUR mind to do it?
Why could you not just leave it there, where he dumped it?

do all of the housework and cleaning and looking after the life admin and I am just bloody tired.
Imagine your house staying just the way you left it, & not having to navigate somebody else's mess that they refused to clear up.

all of this has also made him deeply unattractive to me. I just don’t know how to end it.
"This isn't working for me. It's not me - it's you - I no longer want to be your housekeeper & bill payer. You need to find somewhere else to live by [date]."

I can pay the mortgage on my own and buy him out of his share of the house, but do I kick him out? Do I need to get a valuation on the house? How do I actually make sure he leaves?
What % of the house does he own? Is he on the deeds? Named on the mortgage?
If he is legally part-owner - tell him nothing yet, & go & see a lawyer specialising in property splits between cohabiting partners. Get a definitive cash figure sum that represents his current ownership share. Get him to sign over to you, have his name taken off all documents & polices, & then he gets that sum. Your solicitor will deal with all that for you - you don't have to get embroiled in negotiation.
If he is not named on mortgage or deeds - just kick him out.

Most of my friends are his friends and I know if I kick him out I’ll look like the bad guy- I just know they don’t see the man I do. They all think his charming and generous buying rounds of drinks, and all I see is him flashing my cash, whilst I work so hard to support him.
If they are your friends too, they probably already have more than an inkling.
If they have no inkling - tell them. "It's sad, but I've supported him financially for 7 years & he started taking the piss even more by wanting to go part time. I'm also fed up with how little he does in the home. I know he's your mate & he acts generous in the pub, but that's my money he's flashing & I can't go on like this. Anyway - let's park that subject now, it will all work out for the best."
If they're your friends too, they'll hear you.

Presumably you've had a conversation about this? How did he respond to your feelings? Does he promise to do more then backtrack? Why does he want to go part time? What is he suggesting he does to benefit the family?

Just sort out the house with a solicitor. It’ll be relatively easy to get rid of him since you’re legally single anyway, and he’s not worth arguing with or a long conversation. ‘A solicitor is sorting out dividing up the house, I’ll be able to take on the mortgage alone, so you’ll need to find somewhere to live by X, this obviously isn’t a relationship, or worth any more years of my life, all the best, hope we can be amicable in the next two months.’ If he fails to behave himself the police can deal with him.

Thank you. We own as tenants in common, but he only owns 12%. I have cash savings that could easily cover that even with house price increases.

we’ve had lots of conversations over the years and he promises to change and then falls back into old habits. I’m tired of always feeling like a bitch having to nag him or call him out. He knows it upsets me.

he sees that we are well financially, so thinks he can afford to work less. I see that I am well financially and he would then be subsidised by me. From my point of view we very much don’t feel like a partnership- I think that’s because I don’t see what he brings to the mix.

Oh OP.

There's no easy way. I think you've just got to swallow the frog & say it.

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore"

It will feel horrible but the relief will be immense when he's gone.

I don't think you could ever not resent him for seeing your contribution to the family as an excuse for him to do less.

If his argument was he could save more money than spending on cleaners or childcare or takeaways because of your long hours he might have a point but he can't just stop working because you earn enough!

You just have to tell him its over, that's the beginning. He will wheedle and whine, make promises he has no ability to keep, you just keep repeating, its over, please leave I will give you your % of the house, you need to leave. Make sure the buying out is all done legally and registered, maybe speak to a lawyer to get the process clear and the forms ready.

This on repeat.

And be prepared for attempts to negotiate, or demands to justify why it is so bad you want to leave, and promises to do better. You don't need to do any of that. You don't want to be in this relationship anymore.

Good luck

Oh yes, fully expect all sorts of tears, whining and lies, this bloke won’t want to support himself or work full time, so he’ll likely try all sorts of cringey cliches. Don’t accept them, just keep repeating the same line, no need to explain yourself, you’ve been doing that for almost a decade.

You say he co owns your home with a 12% stake in it ?
Could you get the house valued ( secretly ) and offer him the 12% plus a couple of grand extra to help with a deposit to rent / buy by himself ?