He mocked me

[Taylortay]

I sometimes say 'oh yeah' in a high pitched way if something has surprised me. On Friday I said 'oh yeah' and my boyfriend mocked me and said 'oh yeah' back. I was surprised he did this but let it slide. He did it again yesterday and said 'oh yeah' after I said it he then said it again later on and this time I said 'oi you have done that again now'. He did it again and said he was only joking. Then he said 'oh yeah' subconsciously in conversation and stopped himself which I said see you say it too.

When I got home I messaged him to tell him it was unkind of him to mock me and that I don't have to put up with this behaviour from a partner. He said he was only teasing and apologised and said he didn't mean to cause offence. He said he guess he did it because he thought me saying 'oh yeah' was cute and that it reminds him of when his young daughter does it.

I said I can't change my appearance or mannerisms and he said he doesn't want me to change anything about myself as he loves everything about me and he said that deep down I know this. He said he thinks the world of me and respects me. I accepted his apology and will monitior if it crops up. It just disappointed me as we had such a lovely day too. I have never mocked him for his mannerisms or his autism and ADHD.

Hmm. OK if he doesn't ever do it again. But when they mock you this is generally a sign of abusive tendencies (or when they've had their head turned and they're looking for any tiny thing they find annoying about you).

My son has ADHD. He latches onto words and/or phrases said by others and repeats them at odd intervals for a day or two until something else catches his interest. If it gets annoying (the animal noises often do, but also when someone days the word chicken over and over again it wears thin quickly) we ask him to go do it elsewhere u told it's out of his system.

Now admittedly by the time he's a grown adult I would hope he has a little more control of it, but it may be that he experiences the odd slip up now and again.

I think intent matters here. Mockery implies that he was doing it to annoy or belittle you. If you believe him that it genuinely wasn't the intention and he tries his best to stop, could you accept that maybe it might be an element of his (presumably diagnosed) neurodivergence?

Did you just say it in conversation or is it like a tourettes, tic like thing?

Idividuals with Autism and ASD are often known to parrot stuff. Echolalia or repeated speech is part of this. Anything slightly different or unusual speech wise luke you're "oh yeah" is most likely to end up repeated. It jumped out that you said he did it immediately after you did it.

DD developed an American accent watching Nikleodean as a kid, she currently has exchange students at college who she is terrified of offending cos she's realised she's picking up their speech patterns. DS at two once perfectly mimicked my intonation telling him off, he hadn't the foggiest on the words

I just said it in conversation as it was a normal response.

Why do you have arguments over text messages rather than face to face?

How long have you been together and was that the first time he did it?

Well the autism and ADHD was kind of thrown in there at the end and is relevant.

but why are you correlating the two, and do you know why you do it, the high pitched thing?

It sounds to me like it annoys him. The fact that you've called him out on it has probably made him think and hopefully he won't do it again.

It does sound a bit annoying though. I'm sure you're from a different area than me and perhaps it's a normal response where you are but I just can't imagine a context where a high pitched 'oh yeah' after a surprise would be expected.

I already told him when we were out and he still did it. Sometimes people have to read the words to get the message. I should have been more firm with him in person.

In my house this would be called a joke 🤦🏻‍♀️. Same as when my DCs finish every sentence with "Right?" or say "like" every other word we do it back to them, or they pick up on something I say, not everything in life is abusive ffs although MN would have you believe otherwise

And in other news...what about that cost of living crisis eh?

Agreed @Stevie6 .

Chances are he really can't help it. In DNephews case the more he tried not to say it the more likely he was to say it.

Being more firm with him really isn't going to help. How much so you know about ADHD and autism

I have ADHD and I think I've parrotted before. It was never meant maliciously but if someone said it annoyed them I would stop.

I think when I did it was something I actually liked the sound of or found endearing.

Sometimes my mind will also throw words around in repeat in my head like a vortex repeatedly and if I ignore it, it gets worse. Like a compulsion. Maybe he says it because of this. Talk to him about what happens when he says it.

Jesus wept, You sound fun

At work if someone says “oh yeah” it result in a chorus of “oh yeeaah” in response. It’s linked to a very popular social media trend, people shout it in pubs, on planes, in shops etc and you are almost guaranteed someone will respond in a high pitched voice.

amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/can-i-get-a-hoya-hoyeah-challenge

This is about personalities really.

Me and my DH always mock each other in a good natured way, it's just how we are and we always laugh about it.

If you're not that way inclined and you take things like this seriously, you were right to let him know.

Hopefully he won't do it again and if he does, it might be a case of your two personalities not fitting together.

I feel like I'm missing something because this seems like a total non issue. It sounds like affectionate teasing. Was his tone unpleasant?

It does bother me though that you say you've never mocked him for his Autism and ADHD.

I mean why on earth would you anyway?

One is good natured teasing (which fair enough you don't like) and the other would be 100% ableism.

So it should go without saying that you have never mocked him for that!

Yes this. Except the thing the OP is complaining about is totally an asd and ADHD thing.

My dh and I tease each other a little, we both have very slight speech impediments that wouldn't really be noticeable to anyone else, and we have both taken the piss. This is fine in the context of our relationship, as there is no undermining, control etc. Is your partner's parroting or teasing the tip of a bigger iceberg, or is a mountain out of a molehill?

Lots of married women seem to do that, if the posts on here are to be believed. Especially texting their husbands who live in the same house.

I'm always like...why?

I was just about to say this. EVERYTHING on MN is abusive for some reason.

He’s taking the piss out of something you say frequently and you don’t like it. Tell him to stop mocking you or say you don’t find it funny and that’s it. Not sure why you have to come to the internet when it can literally be solved in one conversation

Thank you @Icedlatteplease that's why I mentioned his conditions in case anyone here could clarify that's what people with the condition do.

All I meant was I don't mock his mannerisms as I understand that is part of his condition but I wouldn't anyway as I like him unconditionally.