Adultworks

[ConfusedMum08]

Hi,

I found adultworks on my boyfriend's phone. I know all.about the site, I've researched.
He lied and shouted to start, but my gut was telling me there was more to it than just viewing free content.
I've left it a day, and grilled him, asking to see bank details, as prove. He swore on everyone lives, cried and begged. I got it out he's openly told me he's spent £30 on there. I haven't asked for prove. Told him he's got 2 days to think about eberything and tell me. Before I start looking. You can't hide bank details. He's deactivated his account but I've asked to veiw it.

We've been together 5 years
Have 11 month old and currently 4 months pregnant

I know he's only cried because he got caught. He wasn't sad when he was watching.

Question, what does £30 get you on the site. He says veiw the gallery and a video, not a private one. I know this is lies. Just need to hear it.

The trust has gone
My self-esteem is cushed

I own my own house but currently need him financially as entitled to no government help.

They can change but usually it's because of old age so the libido isn't as high. Men don't think like women especially serial shaggers. Read UK punting to see how they think, they will cheat 99.9 percent of the time again because it's easy. They have no wish to be monogamous but like having an air of respectability, a wife and children. They want variety but they don't want their wife having the same option. Most of these men would be very upset if their wife was doing the same with other men.

So they can change. So what exactly have I said that is bullshit? This is my life, not statistics. Clearly you've got some deep rooted trauma from something related to his, and I truly hope you're doing okay in life and everything works out well. But please don't tell me that my life is bullshit, because believe me, I'm not an idiot. For a start, I'm an IT technician. This allows me to check a lot more than an average wife. If he starts "using" again, there's no way for me to not know. As it stands, there's been zero issues since that last time.

Does your husband never leave the house then alone or have independent access to his phone? What a very sad way to live having to play detective constantly to check he can keep his dick in his pants.

What happened to women supporting women
We should be happy for this lady to have a positive outcome.

Anyways for me, its over. My mind wanders too much, there is no coming back

@ViolentDelightsxox I'm sure you have it all covered but can you 100% rule out incognito browsing or a secret device not using wi-fi? How tech savvy is he?

Actually @ViolentDelightsxox we could do with a few hints on this forum about how to check tech!

You can absolutely continue making your assumptions, but I think the one with the sad life is the one who hasnt dealt with their own issues and is more content in damming everybody who could have had a better outcome than you.
I really hope you get some help, because that cynicism and negativity isn't going to improve your life.

Yes, incognito browsing is blocked with an app on his phone. Cost £1.30ish and its hidden so he can't access or delete without my pass code. He allowed all of these things I've put in place with enthusiasm.
You can check your WiFi router logs for connections and which devices, and even which websites people have accessed.
Just to clarify, I don't do these things regularly. I don't obsessively check, but it's there if I need to.

What is a better outcome? My DH is not a cheat so I don't have to track him or check his phone. If he did I would know that's not how I want to live. My poor DSis on the other hand was turned into former shell of herself low self-esteem, and he would go years without apparently doing it then it would start up again. She was so hypervigilant and sad.

I really don't think you should be advocating for women to live their lives like that. It might work for you but checking up on someone isn't really moving on.

And there you go with your presumptions. Because you presume that porn addiction isn't real, then ou can't simply understand it.
If my partner were an alcoholic, are you saying I shouldn't check in with him to make sure he's not drinking?
If he were addicted to pills, are you saying I shouldn't check his pockets if I see signs of him using?

Presuming that I'm some obsessive checker is just completely out of line. If I see the same signs of what he was like before, then yes I will check. As far as it goes, I've not needed to.

I'm advocating for women to make their own choices and their own decisions in their lives. I'm not saying to stay with them, I'm not saying to leave them. You, however, have said that it's all bullshit and they'll never change. I'm simply disagreeing with you, that people can change. You have no idea of what people deal with in their lives, and what their tolerances and/or beliefs are.

If you think me advocating to make their own decisions in their lives is wrong, then I'm not entirely sure I want to know what you think is right.

My opinion is probably going to be very unpopular being a man’s perspective, but the unfortunate fact about seeking advice online is the lack of open mindedness. I hope my opinion is helpful even if it paints me as a pig but I speak from relative experience.

this website caters for a variety of sexual services including meeting escorts, viewing home made videos of people in the sex industry, finding cam girls, one on one chat etc. they even do erotica.

someone wrote about £15-30 being a price someone would pay for a quickie. They dont know what they’re talking about. If he’s paid that amount and no more, he has either paid for a cam girl or to watch private videos or something similar.

i am someone who has previously used the website. I have never paid for sex so didn’t use the website for escorting. I met a girl online (when I was single without children) and was infatuated with her and she strung me along and somehow convinced me to subscribe to this website so we could talk on cam there. I came to my senses eventually and realised she was just a scam artist.

ive met guys who experienced similar things to me in chat rooms online. A lot of people use that website for no other reason than to watch porn involving British women. I once met someone who had a fetish watching porn featuring people he could have sex with in real life. Some people are simply in to porn (videos and images) that showcases ‘real’ women rather than well paid actresses and are prepared to pay for it even if porn is free elsewhere.

obviously, it’s possible he is seeing escorts but there are other possibilities as well. My advice to you- get him to re activate his account or find out his user ID. Members both seeking and providing services receive feedback from people they ‘do business’ with. Escorts are hot on giving feedback in the interest in the safety of other girls and some escorts won’t see males without feedback.
if your partner has feedback from escorts, it’ll be pretty obvious based on what they write. If he won’t show you his account, he is hiding something.

$30 is a standard price for 15 mins or oral sex. Prices are on some member’s public profiles.

Your stance is I think the right one. Absolutely zero point digging for evidence just to prove something more did or didn't happen. The bottom line is you no longer trust him and you've no wish to spend the rest of your life second-guessing where he is and what he's doing when he's back late/doesn't answer his phone or any number of other ordinarily innocent actions which are now tainted with doubt and scrutiny. All of that in itself takes its own toll on your sanity and well-being.

5 years ago perhaps...

15 mins your looking at atleast £50 now, unless it's some absolute skank.

Going rate is 160-200 p/h

I wouldn’t know about five years ago, I just looked today when I replied to this. One close to me was £45, and tbh she looked quite hot. Must depend on location. But despite that, if OP feels the way she feels, then it’s irrelevant anyway. He could have spent that £30 treating own lady or kids. Silly man…

Paying a person for sex must be so degrading. Imagine passing your hard-earned (family) cash to the prostitute first and then, what? Get out of the clothes which might well have been bought together on a shopping trip with your wife, or bought for you by your wife? Then what? Go through the motions like a tick-box exercise? Kissing that person likely on the same day you've kissed your DC goodbye off to school? Having empty sex with a person you don't know, who has been with all sorts of other people you don't know? Knowing nothing about their life, their values, their interests, their STD history? Almost unbelievable really that a married man would do such a thing.

I’m on AW too as a performer. 30 pounds will get you to watch a woman on webcam or to access private galleries. Is he been meeting actual escorts? We don’t know unless you get access to his AW profile where he has all the messages he’s been exchanging with other sex workers.

Unless he’s been burning the family money or cheating on you I wouldn’t get upset over this minutia, really. It’s ridiculous. I’m sure you have more important things to care about.

It might be ridiculous to you, and you might not care. But to a lot of women, this is crossing a clear boundary. Don't tell someone their feelings are ridiculous.

So deluded. Some of us want normal mutuslly respectful relationships.

I’m sorry that you are going through this but he could have spent the £30 on viewing private galleries or private movies or a webcam session could be from about £10 upwards. He may not have actually met an escort at all. Whilst it’s not great, it’s another form of porn to a lot of men. I hope you have found a solution to this.

you pay the girls direct for an escort encounter not the website
if he’s paid £30 to the website, it’s either for a chat line, watching a video, or to look at private photos