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Original poster

Texting his ex….

51 replies

Fuzzywuzzys · 06/11/2022 23:28

So I will start by saying this, the guy I’m seeing currently has treated me amazingly since I met him 5 months ago. He does have a young child but told me he broke up with his ex as they were not compatible but they do get on well enough for their child and talk every day.
When I first heard this I thought he was being mature, and thought it was nice they still got on well.

There has now been two incidents of what I think is inappropriate texting that I’ve seen. First he text her at about 3 in the morning to let her know he had fallen asleep which is why he didn’t answer, I saw this message whilst he typed it. I never said anything but whilst their conversation wasn’t anything wrong it also wasn’t about their child.
Tonight he was sat in front of the sofa on the floor, I’m lying down on the sofa. I can see she has text him to say she misses him, he then replies back with heart emojis. I’m torn between he didn’t say he missed her too, and he shouldn’t of sent anything like that. He’s said in the past he doesn’t want them to fall out but I do feel like SOMETHING is not right

OP posts:
bjrce · 07/11/2022 10:11

He's playing you both. Stringing you both along.

Completely agree. Some guys just love the drama and idea of two women after them.

He's not being honest with you. His actions are completely different to what he saying. Don't' listen to him. Listen to your gut. If he is serious he will make your relationship public and let the Ex know. Its not that hard to do.

Although I think he's full of bullshit, but its your decision

Tell him to contact you when he's free to date. Don't be anyones secret.

GreenManalishi · 07/11/2022 10:11

she has text him to say she misses him, he then replies back with heart emojis

This is why you feel SOMETHING is not right, you can stop the search. He's till entangled with the mother of his child and unless you're happy with that you need to see what's in front of you and let them work it out.

If he can't tell her about a new partner, because he's trying to stay "friends" with her, they aren't friends. Friends don't mind if their friends have girlfriends.

He's taking you for a ride if he's pretending it is over.

tuvamoodyson · 07/11/2022 10:15

You helped him get over her? And yet, he’s keeping you a secret, texting her at 3am and sending her heart emoji’s?

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:16

he said I actually helped him get over her, she wasn’t right for him and I helped him realise this

For someone who's over her, messaging her in the early hours, acting like it's high priority to get back to her (excepting child related emergences), and above all writing heart emojis back to her missing him comment (all while lying by omission to her about actually having a new gf) ...... He's not acting at all like he is.

Or else he's fooling her and stringing her along.

That does not make him a decent person.

And this is the mother of his child, and someone he was probably with a long time. If that's how respectful and cleanly he acts towards his long term ex and childs mother, how do you think he's going to be to you

He's already disrespecting you by hiding your relationship.

I have a general rule, men who can't acknowledge me as their gf/partner in public ... Don't get to put their body into mine in private.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:18

If he can't tell her about a new partner, because he's trying to stay "friends" with her, they aren't friends. Friends don't mind if their friends have girlfriends.

Exactly.

If they were both over each other, he'd be able to be honest about being in a new relationship.

And if it's only her (which, even if he's not remotely into her, he's encouraging with his behaviour) he should man up and be honest that he's over it and moving on.

nobird · 07/11/2022 10:18

Yeah you’re definitely his rebound. Until he’s fully over his ex he can’t have a meaningful romantic relationship with someone else. I’d get out now before you’re too invested.

bjrce · 07/11/2022 10:21

I agree with Lemon Drop 22 - He stinging both of you along.

He's not being honest with her either - It suits him for her to still be emotionally attached to him and in doing so - she is not getting the opportunity to move on either. He's very selfish!

He may not want her - but he doesn't want anyone else to have her either!

It suits him to keep her sweet, minding his child and thinking about him. Whilst he is off having a great time with you and getting all the benefits.

Its a win / win for him. Wake up!

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:22

He's got two women on the go.

She doesn't even know about you

You know about her but are being hidden from her (and presumably anyone who could tell her).

He thinks he's a smart arse

He's telling you he's over her and youre the reason (aawwww) yet isn't behaving like he's over her to her. So he's either lying or stringing her along .. ... Not a good guy.

Original poster
Fuzzywuzzys · 07/11/2022 10:23

You’ve all pretty much summed up how I’ve felt, thank you for your responses.

to be honest him saying I helped him get over her did not make me feel good, he said his goal is to be friends with her for their child. I don’t really understand their relationship, I don’t have children myself but all my friends with kids can’t stand their exes

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:28

It suits him to keep her sweet, minding his child and thinking about him. Whilst he is off having a great time with you and getting all the benefits.

In a nutshell.

He's not a good guy.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 07/11/2022 10:30

So you are his dirty secret OP. Honestly I would move on and quickly.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:32

he said his goal is to be friends with her for their child

He wants to be friends with her but thinks it's a good idea to lie about moving on to another woman for 5 (?) months.

While resounding with heart emojis to her "missing you" texts.

Would you be acting like this if you were broken up with an ex and had moved on to a new relationship? Would you respond with heart emojis or would you try to be honest and straight in as least hurtful a way as possible?

Noone would even be sending texts like that if they knew you were in a new relationship .... She's only sending them because he's lied to her about being in a new relationship.

Original poster
Fuzzywuzzys · 07/11/2022 10:32

He has said it’s not her business. To be honest I was not too fussed about her not knowing as I think it’s early days.
He had actually also said to her he doesn’t believe she was alone staying in a hotel alone. This caused an argument between us because why would he even care what she was doing without their child??

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:35

I bet you wouldn't be messaging your ex in the early hours of the morning (emergences aside) if you'd moved on to a new relationship either.

He's giving her the impression he's single and he's outright lies to get about being in a new relationship.

He's either lying about trying to be friends with her, or he has the most foolish, irresponsible, sneaky, stupid, immature, disrespectful, counter productive way of approaching fruevdhio with an ex one can imagine.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:36

*He's giving her the impression he's single and he's outright lied to her about being in a new relationship.

Takeitonthechin · 07/11/2022 10:38

If he's torn, he obviously still has feelings for his ex.

I would just end it and move on, enjoy Christmas as a single person and make the most of it.
I just wouldn't be able to trust him tbh, get a grip on the situation now before it gets out of hand and you get hurt and feel a fool.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:40

He has said it’s not her business.

If it's not her business, but dies he think she'd be sending him "missing you" messages if she knew?

Highly unlikely. And he knows that. So he's letting her embarrass herself by lying by omission about being in a new relationship.

Even if he hadn't needed to tell her at some point in the last 5 months .... That was the perfect opportunity to say "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm seeing someone now" .... What did he do instead, respond with heart/love you emojis.

He's full of shit.

Lieslies · 07/11/2022 10:40

They are still emotionally attached. This will end badly for you.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:46

He had actually also said to her he doesn’t believe she was alone staying in a hotel alone

Again, if his aim is to be friends and he's over her... What does it matter? What is it to him?

Why is he even thinking about that or mentioning it?

He is one of those typical bastard men who doesn't really want her anymore but isn't happy about the idea of her with anyone else. He can move on and shag other people but she cant.

Imho that is the main reason it's "not her business" to be told he's moved and had a new gf of 5 months. Because he thinks that'll open the flood gates for her and she'll go all out to meet other people, have sex with them. She'll consider herself free and their relationship totally over. He doesn't want that. He can but she can't.

That's why he's lied about your relationship to her and anyone who knows her. That's why he's sending encouraging texts back to her, and messing her in the early hours.

Men who see womennto some extent as property, and are hypocritical are not good partners. Nor are liars. Nor are manipulators.

It's also a bad sign he's split from the mother of his v young child.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:48

*messaging her

GreenManalishi · 07/11/2022 10:50

He had actually also said to her he doesn’t believe she was alone staying in a hotel alone. This caused an argument between us because why would he even care what she was doing

Why would he care who she was in a hotel with? Have a think.

This picture has got controlling ex written all over it, and unless you want him doing this to you after you've inevitably split up then end it now.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 10:54

but they do get on well enough for their child and talk every day.
When I first heard this I thought he was being mature, and thought it was nice they still got on well.

He was lying/misrepresenting.

He strings and lies to her her along because he's either not totally emotionally disentangled or because he's a possessive hypocrite (or some combo).

That's the reality of his nice little spin.

You know now.

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 11:02

*He strings her along and lies to her

LemonDrop22 · 07/11/2022 11:10

talk every day

Highlly unlikely to be necessary; just more evidence they're still enmeshed and/or he's happy to give her the impression they're still enmeshed and might get back together.

All while lying by omission about being in a 5 month relationship with another woman.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/11/2022 11:16

I wouldn't fancy the I miss you texts at all, that's a pretty clear message she's sending him. You don't tell your ex you miss them unless you're suggesting that maybe you should try again or they're entertaining that thought imo