I really need advice. Do I stay or leave.

[smileylaura]

Hello all,

I really need some advice or a slap. Please do not judge me. I am trying to be a good person.

Long story short...

I have been with my husband for 15 years (married for 5 so far). We have a toddler together. I do love my husband.

I am still friends with an ex who I was with before I met my husband. We were in a long distance relationship and never physically met. I called it off after a few months. We stayed friends with on and off communication. Fast forward to 2022, we got in contact properly and have grown a lot closer than before.

I don't know if I've outgrown my husband. I know this sounds awful. But somethings he does just annoy me. He doesn't lead me in terms of being a man. He still plays Xbox games at 36 (daily, like a kid swearing etc), it annoys and embarrasses me but he said he'll never not play games.

I find myself having feelings for him. He is a man's man. He teaches me things about life and knowledge. He's a very intelligent man. He has his own business and is very successful and has asked me to be with him in his country because he's in love with me. I know if I did this, myself and my toddler would be well taken care of and I would never worry about money. My toddler will have everything and anything and more.

There's so many factors here. Not just money. I'm not with anyone for money.

Anyways. I just don't know what to do.

You want to leave your husband for a man you’ve never met ?

You can’t just fuck off to a foreign country with your child there’s a Hague convention and child abduction is a bit illegal.

That aside, you need to stop contact with this ex, address the issues with your DH, separate from him if you still want to, have some time to sort your life out as a single woman, THEN think about dating again. Don’t conflate “my marriage isn’t working” with “I must go to this other guy” they are two different issues.

And overall please put your toddler first. And not in a “new guy can buy him stuff” way. More in a “he needs to know both his parents and see them often and know they love him” way.

Okay. So my friend has this exact situation, with her partner for 14 years, never married, one son. She saw a guy she knew from 25 years ago around town and had a coffee (as friends).

Anyway, very long story short, she left her very comfortable life with her partner (had everything she ever wanted) and started seeing this fella (who basically has nothing). Together a year now. She absolutely adores him, he fulfils her.

There's something about men that play computer games that to me is so unattractive. I don't want to hear that. They might be amazing people, but that is just not something that attracts me.

You need to be careful making any decision because if you leave and regret it, you might end up with nothing.

You want to move abroad, uproot your child, take them away from their father, for a man you’ve never met?

Sounds great! Go for it!!

There's something about men that play computer games that to me is so unattractive. I don't want to hear that. They might be amazing people, but that is just not something that attracts me.

That’s fine but if that’s the case you do not marry one then expect them to change and did you miss that there is a child involved and OP wants to run off abroad for a man she never even met?!

How can he be an ex if you've never met him?
Pretty sure you married your husband knowing he's a gamer so if that was a problem maybe should have voiced that beforehand?
You can't just take your toddler and fuck off to another country. How do you know you and your child would want for nothing? This guy could be a monumental psychopath! If you were on your own you can please yourself but for christ sake don't put your child through that, that's selfish.

@NowWhatBipolar

She doesn't state whether or not he's always played them. If he has, it can still get tiresome if you're looking after a child and your partner is playing on an Xbox! How frustrating would that be!????

However I was merely having an opinion - that's what a forum is for, no!?

Yeah thumbs up. What could go wrong?

You’re considering leaving your husband for a man you’ve never met, to live in another country?? With your toddler? Who deserves to be in regular contact with his father, whatever happens.

sounds like total escapism to me. Ignore this guy, you don’t know him. At all.

work on your marriage or leave, but the fact you are even considering this is concerning.

This exactly, I think you're really immature to even give this headspace. The fact you have a child and your considering this is quite frankly alarming.

Please god dont

Look. Weird things go on in our heads. I'm with a fantastic guy, we're really happy, but he's starting cancer treatment tomorrow, I'm terrified and would give almost anything to have a meaningless lighthearted fling with a random I don't give a shit about tonight. That's about the level of sophistication we are both at: we want an escape.

You have never met this random. YOU'VE NEVER MET. He's just a guy (probably). Who knows anything about him/them. He just represents getting out of a situation that's hard work and a bit boring.

Engage properly with your husband, or find a space in your marriage to develop your own interests. You have a kid together. You don't get to escape with no consequences. You have to grow up too.

She said “still plays” not “woke up the morning after our wedding, cracked open The Witcher, and never looked back, betraying our custom vow to forsake all screens.” 🤷‍♀️

And nowhere in my post did I suggest you couldn’t have an opinion, I’m not a moderator, I genuinely don’t care whether you post shit online or not, but by the same token I have an opinion about your opinion and I have conveyed it.