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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be feeling more after 5 weeks?

4 replies

jalapeno1234 · 06/11/2022 18:28

I met a guy at the end of September (its now the start of November) and due to the fact we met online, since the day we met we became romantic. Before this sounds like a hook up, we didnt have sex until one month after. His choice as he hasnt been with anyone in 6 years and was nervous. This may sound red flaggish but I'm glad he was honest. We got on immediately and I must say, after many dates in the past few years since my last long term thing 2 years ago, this was a stellar date. The conversation was flowing, the attraction was instant, we have the same humour, he was a gentleman, I didnt think twice about the time and I even asked him out for a next date (I have NEVER EVER done this on a date). We began seeing eachother pretty regularly after that, every 3 days which was definitely intense but I really enjoy his company and became very attracted to him. One thing I noticed was that he was very affectionate soon on; I went along with this as I was attracted to him from the start but thought it a little fast but never felt the need not to recipricate as I'm also very intense and always like to trust my instinct. When I'm with him I feel the following
-Calm
-Content
-Happy
-Valued
-Safe
-Secure
-Like myself

However, in the last 2 weeks upon reflecting (I overthink SO much. In general. i have unmanaged anxiety) I have been constantly asking myself if Im on his level. He bought me flowers 2 weeks ago which will have been 3 weeks into this and though no one has ever done that and it meant something, it made me realise how much he likes me. He also introduced me to his friends 3 weeks in which I found lovely but a little soon. However, my conflict comes in when i realise I didnt stop any of these gestures nor felt uncomfortable with them, just that I was a little undecided how I feel about it.
On week 4, unsurprisingly, he tells me he loves me. And looks a little horrified for saying it and says he regrets it. I told him I'm all about valuing sincerity and that its lovely to hear but that I take the word very seriously and have to really know I do love someone as its only happened once.

I'm confused. I see a future with him (we are both 28 and have talked about how we're looking for something long term), the sex is good, I forget these worries when we're together and above all I love being in his arms and we cry laugh together which is one of my favourite things when it comes to relationships. He is very loving, has zero red flags, has a great friend group and family and a fun personality (hes an actor in his spare time). But I dont know if his intensity is making me compare my own towards him or if I just dont feel what I should be feeling by now.

Im sorry this is long and a little paradoxial. Just struggling. I should also say I got out of a relationship only 3 weeks before meeting him but feel there is absolutely nothing between me and the ex as it was only a 3month thing. i've since seen this person in the city and felt absolutely nothing...

OP posts:
CSR721 · 06/11/2022 18:33

I'd say you're overthinking!! If you enjoy being with him, are attracted to him and look forward to spending time with him, I'd say you're on the right track. Let it develop at its own pace 🥰

abyssofwoah · 06/11/2022 18:47

You’re totally overthinking it! It sounds like you like him, and it’s all off to a good start. If his feelings are a bit more intense than yours that’s fine, as long as it’s not making you feel uncomfortable.

Quiegal · 06/11/2022 19:02

Have you healed from the relationship you got out of?

The only thing is I feel is this all a bit too soon.

He does seem very into you but is this a rebound to you?

You can control the speed of this and I just personally don't think I would of gone on a date so soon after a break up.

RandomMusings7 · 06/11/2022 19:04

Telling you he loves you after a month is a red flag I'm afraid.

Are you familiar with love bombing?

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