Negative reaction to becoming SPBC

[Justanotherdobby]

I'd been considering becoming a solo parent by choice for several years after finding it very difficult to find a suitable partner. After suffering a MMC earlier this year following a brief relationship, I decided to take the plunge and I've been very lucky to conceive on my first IVF cycle. It's still early days but I'm feeling very hopeful & positive. I haven't told anyone but I wanted to share the news with my Dad as I know he wants grandchildren and he's the only parent I have a relationship with as I'm NC with my Mum for various reasons.

His reaction has made me feel really deflated and sad. He told me he wouldn't bring a child into this world (he's religious and believes the world is ending soon), he was disappointed I wasn't married (despite him and my mother having me out of wedlock!), then brought up a termination I had when I was a teenager and questioned why I wanted to have a child now when I didn't then (16 years ago!). He then ended on, "well I'm glad you're happy," then changed the subject.

I understand that my choice isn't for everyone and people will have their opinions but am I asking for too much to expect my father to be positive or at least supportive? I explained to him that the MMC woke me up to the fact that time is not on my side fertility wise and that partly influenced my decision and he didn't even express sympathy at hearing that and slightly implied I'd caused it due to the stress of my job. I'm genuinely really hurt/surprised and don't think I'll be sharing my news with anyone else until I absolutely have to. Any other SPBC experienced this kind of reaction? Is this basically what I have to look forward to?

Maybe once the baby is here, he’ll fall in love and be a significant part of your child’s life. I agree, that’s very disappointing, particularly given his history!

Congratulations, I am sorry you were disappointed by your dad’s reaction. Give him a bit of time and I am sure he will come round.

Stay strong and do not let other people’s opinions bring you down.I hope you are able to enjoy your pregnancy.

Your Dad sounds .... interesting.

Wtaf.

I think you can immediately discount the views of an extremely religious person who believes the end of the world is imminent.

Then we have the hypocrisy about the pregnancy being outside a marriage. Then the batshit comment about why you'd want a child now when you didnt want one 20 yrs ago . . When you were presunbly a very young woman. Bizarre.

Then implying you'd MMC was your own fault sort of.

He's exactly diplomatic, tactful or logical, is he?

I don't think I'd be doing umsupervided access with him and your child.

No child needs that level of crazy and tactlesdness in their life.

*not exactly

I'm NC with my Mum for various reasons

If you're still in contact with your Dad when he he's like that, I dread to think what your Mum must be like.

So youve had the misfortune to be born to two batshit people.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, how lovely. And I'm sure your experience from your parents will help you be a good parent. I suppose you should just do and say the opposite of what they'd do and say in order to be a good parent.

Oh and maybe he means not just that the pregnancy is outside marriage but also that there will be no possibility of marriage with the father/donor .... But given the job he's done of picking his own coparebt, he's missing out on the fact that you vecomg a spbc is a sensible, positive decision. Better than doing it with a potentially shit parent.

He's also happily oblivious to the reproduce pressures on women and the deductions they may have to take as a result.

@LemonDrop22 Haha! No, those are definitely not words that could be used to describe my Dad. We actually didn't have a close relationship for years due to how blunt and lacking in emotional intelligence be can be but lately he'd seemed to have mellowed/ changed.

*decisions, not deductions

Congratulations. Give him time to get his head round the idea.

"he's missing out on the fact that you vecomg a spbc is a sensible, positive decision." This is the thing that hurts the most - I was absolutely miserable with my ex, I would have made a terrible parent if I were still with him. With this pregnancy I've taken steps to make sure I'm financially and emotionally ready. I'm not picking myself apart or tying myself up in knots wondering why I've been ghosted again or cheated on as I was when I was still subjecting myself to OLD. After the MMC I picked myself up changed my diet, got counselling, acupuncture, took supplements, empowered myself and it has thankfully resulted in this much wanted pregnancy. He's not even slightly proud of me but he would be if I had a man, who would most likely be treating me poorly. Beggars belief.